


Here: The Josh and Donna Story Act I

by ghostlyandcoastly



Series: Here: The Josh and Donna Story [1]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 12:17:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17898290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostlyandcoastly/pseuds/ghostlyandcoastly
Summary: The story of Josh and Donna throughout the years that we've known them- starting on the first Bartlet for America campaign through Santos' inauguration day. This is going to be a long one. Will stick as close to cannon as I can with my own complicated take.





	1. Donna Goes West

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Hi! This is a story that I’ve been wanting to write for a long time. It’s actually the first fanfic I started for Josh/Donna. It’s going to follow every major event that we saw in the show for Josh and Donna with some layers of drama and between the lines things. This first chapter is probably too long but the other ones will be shorter! Thanks for reading! Please leave a review!
> 
> AUTHOR’S WARNING In this chapter, I talk about an abortion. While I believe that it is a medical procedure that women have the right to that should be normalized, I know not everyone feels this way. If you are sensitive/offended by the topic, you can skip the February 18th entry.

#  Act One, Chapter One, Donna Goes West

_ Donna _

February 14, 1998

 

My heart is racing so hard you’d think I just did a triathlon as opposed to what I actually did… which was pee. A very normal human function that should not be anxiety inducing. Unless of course you’ve missed two consecutive periods.

The first one I thought was due to stress. I’ve been running around like crazy. I’m working two jobs during the week and babysitting on the weekends. Honestly, the Rodriguez kids and the Robbins’ baby are a cake walk compared to how I spend my free time now- nannying my nearly thirty year old boyfriend.

This morning I woke up ninety minutes earlier than I should have had to so I could make sure he got to work on time, was fed, and that the house was picked up after he had his pals here last night. I don’t have to meet my parents for church for an hour so I spend the time working out, taking a quick shower (quick because the damn thing loses essentially all water pressure after seven minutes max), and working on the bills.

My eyes narrow in on some purchases I don’t recognize. I look up where the charges are from and at least two of them are from online lingerie stores. Paul and I share a laptop and my stomach drops when I realize that he has an account. Maybe they’re birthday gifts for me? Or for Valentine’s Day? Which is today. Not that he said anything. I don’t expect anything.

I look at the previous orders. Now if I really believed what I was trying to convince myself- that the purchases are for me- I wouldn’t have looked. I love surprises. Well, maybe not all surprises.

The orders are definitely not my size.

The bastard is using  _ my _ money to buy lingerie for his affairs?

Dammit. I hope he rots.

And then I burst into tears. I know it’s true. There’s been hints. Especially in the past few months. How could I have been so naive? I run to the toilet and puke my guts out. Once I’m done, I pull myself up- washing my face, getting out my toothbrush. I sigh when I realize the toothpaste is out. And he clearly just left it on the counter for me to find. I look in other drawers for some. And that’s when I see the mostly full box of tampons.

And I remember that I definitely should have had my period. For a while. That’s two months.

_ Knock, knock, knock _ .

My parents are here to pick me up for church. Fuck.

  
  


Church is a bore and even more excruciating than usual. I want it to finish in a hurry so my parents will drop me off at home, I can walk to the drug store, and buy a pregnancy test. Or several. Just to be sure.

All four have been positives.

  
  
  
  


_ Donna _

February 18th, 1998

“Honey, do you want more soup?” My mom calls to me. I’m cuddled up on the couch with several blankets. My mom is pulling out all the sick child stops. Except I’m not sick. I had an abortion three days ago. I think my mother is waiting for me to break down at any second.

When I called my dad, while packing up my whole life, to come pick me up, both my parents were scared but I knew a little bit relieved. They didn’t like Paul very much. Of course, they were always polite and never really told me I shouldn’t see him but they told me in their own ways. Some may say passive aggressive, my mother would say polite.

My parents aren’t thrilled I decided to get an abortion. I know my mother is sad and my father is frustrated. But I can tell that they love me anyways and they understood not wanting to have Paul’s baby. That doesn’t mean they aren’t judging me. My father hasn’t quite looked me in the eye and I think my mother is praying more than usual. I would feel better if I could get out of here. Which I can’t. Because I don’t have anywhere to go.

Which Paul had been so kind to remind me when he stopped by on Tuesday night. I’m pretty sure he only noticed I was gone when there was no one to pick up after him or his card got declined when buying something.

When he showed up, my dad looked murderous. Which I found touching but I’d rather my dad wasn’t brought up on homicide charges. I forced Paul away from my father and I let him say what he needed to say and then I went back inside. I said very few words and he said a lot of hurtful ones but I’m made of stronger stuff than that. I have to be made of stronger stuff than that.

My mom sat on the couch with me and started channel flipping. She paused for a couple seconds on one of the news channels. They were showing a town hall with one of the candidates for presidents. My mom moved onto the animal channel but the stronger stuff in me asked her to go back.

Governor Bartlet spoke of hope, better education, and supporting poor families. He talked about relying on one another in times of need and standing strong on our own. His words pierced my soul. And just like that, on a Thursday night at 8:04 pm on February 18th in 1999, the stronger stuff inside me made a decision. I had somewhere to go.

  
  
  


_ Donna _

February 23rd, 1998

I just crossed into New Hampshire. I’ve basically made it. I let out a breath I think I’ve been holding since I peed on that stick.

On Friday morning, I sat my parents down and told them my plan. On Friday afternoon, I told my jobs I was leaving. On Saturday morning, my brother and my father went to get my car from Paul. Paul threatened to call the cops but I had been prepared and found the paperwork that had the car in my name. I had paid for that car when I was 17 out of my own pocket. I don’t know how or why Paul thought he had any right to it. On Saturday night, I babysat the Rodriguez kids one last time. Saying good night to them was the first time I cried since Valentine’s Day. On Sunday morning, my eyes were puffy from crying but I packed up my car, said my goodbyes to my family, and headed to Nashua, New Hampshire to work for Bartlet for America.

I drove late into Sunday night I was so hyped up about it. I was in Indiana before I stopped to sleep. I woke up and started driving again. It was half way through Ohio when my excitement ebbed and my nerves poured in. What was I doing? How could I just pick up and expect to figure things out? What if Paul was right, what if I needed him? What if I just made a huge mistake? What if I’m rejected by the Bartlet for America staffers? From what research I did, Governor Bartlet has a PhD in economics. He went to Notre Dame and a fancy school in London. Why would a campaign for that man want me to do anything other than stick signs in the ground? I was a college drop-out. Were they going to see me for anything else? I fingered the fifty dollar bill my dad gave me on my way out. He said it was for emergency only- for when I needed to get home. I drove through the nerves and stopped in Pennsylvania to sleep. In the morning, the anxiety and uncertainty still were there but the stronger stuff in me decided those things weren’t so important.

According to a sign, I’ll be arriving in Nashua in forty miles. That means by 8:50, I will be passing by the Bartlet for America campaign office- where I would walk in tomorrow with my head held high and my hands ready to get to work.  I pressed a little harder on the gas pedal.

  
  


February 24th, 1998

I can’t help but notice that these pants are a little big on me. I haven’t looked in the mirror at my naked body in a while. I’ve lost weight over the past few months. When things started to go south with Paul. Not that they were ever particularly north.

Despite the pants being a size or two too big, I think I look nice. I’m wearing a shirt my sister-in-law gave me once she gave up her job to be with the kids. I pin the sides of my hair back so it looks pretty without looking like a spent too much time on it. These pants are from a year and a half ago. I bought them when I had an interview with an advertising firm in Chicago. I hadn’t told Paul. I didn’t get the job. Paul found out and it was a huge fight. He left and got raging drunk and I had found him with his pants around his ankles passed out outside our apartment complex. It wouldn’t be the last time something like this happened.

The stronger stuff inside me doesn’t have to think about those nights anymore. The stronger stuff inside me is ready to walk through the campaign office doors and find my passion. If only the stronger stuff inside me could actually convince me feet to move.

A woman running by with her dogs jostles me. Okay, time to get moving. Enough staring at the window, at the hustle and bustle of the campaign. It’s time do the damn thing.

There seems to be some sort of meeting going on the corner of the main room. I can’t see over anyone’s heads or discern any words out of the shouting and the phones ringing to figure out what the meeting is about or who with. I decide that it’s probably better that everyone seems to be distracted. I can just… slip in, acquaint myself with my surroundings, help out, and make myself invaluable. By the time they realize they never hired me officially, I’ll be so ingrained in the functionality and efficiency of the campaign, they won’t be able to get rid of me.

I pick up a folder that was lying on a desk. It’s comparing Hoynes and Wiley’s numbers in New Hampshire- seeing how their polling. It’s interesting but I know I should put it back so no one can accuse me of like being a spy or something. 

I wander into an office with a sign that says “Josh Lyman” next. Everything about this room is a mess. The desk is atrocious. Papers and file folders and notepads are strewn about. Whoever this man is, he better be some kind of genius. I pick up one of the folders which analyzes media markets in Illinois- specifically Chicago. This one I actually feel like I know about. I took two media classes in college that I had aced. I make a mental note to look up stuff about this as it relates to the campaign. Under the folder is a planner. There are a million notes and it’s clear that whoever is keeping this is just writing things down as they come, not in chronological order. Hence why there seems to be so many crossed wires, meeting overlapping and such.  Clearly this is where I’m needed. I find some sticky notes and a legal pad and go to work. I’m in there for a total of five minutes before the phone rings.

“Josh Lyman… No, he’s not available right now. Oh, this afternoon? He’s got a media session then a 4 o clock with finance… If you leave your name, I can give Josh the message when he gets back.” I can feel someone reach behind me but I’m looking down to right the name down so I don’t see who it is. “Thank you very much.” I hang up the phone.

“Hi.” I turn to look at the voice. The first thing I notice is his chest. It’s broad. I notice his hair next. It’s kind of receding but it looks fluffy and… cute. Oh come on. I cannot get a crush after one word on my first day. Pull it together, Donnatella.

“Hi.” I respond, looking back down.

“Who are you?” Okay, well someone gets to the point. I look back up at his face. He looks skeptical but also like he’s about to bounce from standing still too long. Which is all of two seconds.

“I’m Donna Moss, who are you?” I throw back at him. I don’t know who this guy thinks he is but if he thinks he’s going to sass me, he doesn’t know he’s running with the big dogs.

“I’m Josh Lyman.” Oh. Okay, maybe he does know he’s running with the big dogs.

“Ah.” I say cleverly, trying to stall to figure out a strategy. Okay, it’s fine. Just pretend like this is who you are, that you know what you’re doing here. That acting class in college is going to come in handy. Acting is reacting, Donna.

“Yes…” He’s not impressed.

“I’m your new assistant.”

“Did I have an old assistant?” He looks suspicious but amused. It’s cute.

“Maybe not.”

“Who are you?” Okay, back to just suspicious.

“I’m Donna Moss. I came in to volunteer and the woman assigned to you.” That’s right, keep it vague. He’s busy man. He’ll give up the inquisition soon enough.

“Which woman?” Alright. Should have seen that coming. Just keep moving, like you’re doing things. Like you know what you’re doing.

“Becky.”

“You mean Margaret?” Oh, sure. Now you offer details. He still looks very suspicious. 

“Yes.” Just drive it in.

“Who are you?” Okay, well now I’ve been over this.

“I’m Donna Moss. I’ll be working as your assistant.” Okay, does  _ not _ look convinced.

“I’m gonna talk to Margaret.” Shit. I side step him to block his way. He looks taken aback. Oh, well. Time to fess up. Maybe he’s a guy who respects a straight shooter.

“Actually, Josh… When I said I was assigned to you-”

“Yeah?” Wow. He has nice eyes. Focus!

“Well, I may have been overstating it a little.” This time he physically leans back. Utterly confused. Poor baby.

“Who  _ are  _ you?” Okay, again. Well, do you want my life story? Also now he’s walking away from me. Not so fast, Mr. Lyman.

“I’m Donna Moss. I’m from Madison Wisconsin-”

“When did your boyfriend break up with you?” Um, rude.

“What makes you think my boyfriend broke up with me?”

“Well you’re too old for your parents to have kicked you out of the house.” He just keeps walking. Jesus. Slow down. Also be nicer.

“I’m here because I want to work for Bartlet.” True. “I’m a college graduate with a degree in political science and government.” Eh. Not so much. Also now he’s shoving peanuts in his mouth.

“Where did you graduate?”

“Huh?”

“Where did you graduate?” Well at least he’s looked at me this time. Oh, hey brown eyes. Shit. Focus!

“Okay. When I said I graduated-”

“Yeah?” Let me finish a sentence!

“I may have been overstating it a little-”

“Look-” No, my turn buck-a-roo.

“I-I was a couple of credits short.” Eh. Again. Not so much the truth.

“From where?”

“University of Wisconsin?” Why did I say that like it’s a question?

“And you majored in political science and government?” Okay, well he doesn’t have to sound so condescending.

“And sociology and psychology.” Oh, no word vomit Donna is here. Staaaahp.

“Uh-huh.”

“And biology, for a little while… With a minor in French.” Well, I do actually know a good bit of French.

“Okaaay-” For example, Josh Lyman est un connard.

“And uh, drama.”

“You had five majors and two minors in four years?”

“Two years.” Okay, word vomit Donna go away now.

“Okay. Listen-” Shit, he’s about to tell me to get lost. No. I can’t let that happen.

“I had to drop out.” Well, at least he’s paused for a second. “I had to drop out.” I’m not sure if this admission is worth it. It twists my heart still… He looks contemplative. Like he might be listening. And then Josh Lyman says…

“Your boyfriend was older than you?” Um, fuck off.

“I think that question is off a personal nature?”

“Donna-” He has a dimple. Cute. Even when it’s from smirking. “You were just at my desk, reading my calendar, answering my phone, and hoping I wouldn’t notice I hired you. Your boyfriend was older?” Well, someone’s insistent. I’m well aware I could walk out of here. I could find another person to work in the campaign. Or give up. But now I have something to prove to this egoist.

“Yes.” I try very hard not to roll my eyes.

“Law student?”

“Medical student.”

“And the idea was you’d drop out and pay the bills til he finished his residency?” Weird that he knows that. Am I that obvious? Do I have sucker painted on my forehead? He sits down, leaning forward on his elbows. He has nice arms. FOCUS.

“Yes.”

“And did you?”

“Yes.”

“And why did Doctor Freeride break up with you?” I hate this man. I hate this scruffy, handsome man with beautiful eyes.

“What makes you think he broke up with  _ me _ ?” He doesn’t answer. He does look like I may have stunned him for a second. Oh, preconceived notions are hard to get over. Don’t worry big boy I’ll make this easy on you. Just because I want to get a move on and really don’t want to talk about Paul. I sit down and sigh. He snaps out of it.

“Donna, this is a campaign for the presidency. And there’s nothing I take more seriously than that.” Why do I find that hot? “This can’t be a place where people come to find their confidence and start over.”

“Why not?” Now I’m just feeling indignant. 

“I’m sorry?” He’s got that suspicious look on his face again.

“Why can’t it be those things?”

“Because-” I’m not done, pal.

“Why? Is it going to interfere with my typing?”

Ha. Got him. He stands up and walks across the hall. He’s diverting. Because he can’t say I’m wrong. A girl could get use to this.

“Donna, we’re picking up today and going to South Carolina. If you wanna stay in the Manchester office-” Not getting rid of me that easy, Lyman.

“I want to come to Charleston.”

“I can’t carry ya, Donna.” I like how he says my name. “I got a lot of guys out there not going.”

“I’ll pay my own way.”

“With what?” Oh I really don’t like how he said that. Or how he’s looking at me right now. Like he knows my capabilities better than I do.

“I’ll sleep on the floor- I’ll sell my car.” Reigning him back in, he steps back into the office, leaning on the doorframe. “Eventually you’re going to put me on salary.”

“Donna-” Again, I do like that. But it’s time for him to shut up now. Also he’s too close. He smells good.

“Look. I think I can be good at this. I think you might find me valuable.” He’s looking at me like he’s trying to figure out a difficult math problem. The phone starts to ring. We don’t break eye contact.

“Go ahead.” Keep emotions in check. This is fine.

“Bartlet for America, Josh Lyman’s office.” I hate that I keep looking up at him. But also he’s so cute. And looks so serious. “Uh, yes. I think I’m going to have somebody from the press office get back to you if it relates to media.” That’s a look. That’s a sexy look. He’s looking at me like that. “Uh, yes. Hmm. Yes.” I focus on the conversation. Next time I look over he’s taking off his badge and suddenly I’m holding it.

I think I’ve just been hired by Josh Lyman.

  
  
  


_ Josh _

February 24th, 1998

Today was one of those days that makes your head spin. The day had started pretty well. I’m getting along with CJ and Toby. They’re fun. And it’s nice to hang out with Sam again. But this isn’t a social club and me making friends isn’t the goal.

We’re getting a man elected to the highest office of the United States!

A man who either doesn’t know who I am or really hates my guts.

That staff meeting didn’t fuel me with hope but I want to get started on making sure our shit is together for South Carolina. I don’t want anything sneaking up on us. Like a certain blond not-assistant did on me today.

Really today wasn’t a day to make my head spin. That’s most days on a campaign for most people. Not for me. It’s my normal. I like it. It exhilarates me. What does make my head spin is the very young, very attractive, very clever, underqualified, soul-searching girl who just showed up in my life.

At 10:05, I had no assistant.

At 10:15, I had an assistant and I’m pretty sure she’s great at it and I’m pretty sure she’s going to be the death of me.

I think most people figured I hired her because she’s a beautiful leggy young woman. Don’t get me wrong she’s stunning. But the whole sweetheart of middle America thing wasn’t usually what got me going- and we saw plenty of ‘em on the campaign trail. Her Bambi eyes and bright smile were not The Factors.

The Factors are sort of ineffable. I think I felt The Factors when she said, “What makes you think he broke up with me?” She was so self-assured. But clearly insecure at the same time. Yet here she was insisting on being here and speaking truth to power. She doesn’t seem intimidated by me. Honestly she doesn’t even seem that impressed with me. Maybe I’m masochist or maybe her eyes are just honest and decent and easy to drown in. Yeah, this is going to be a problem.

I tried to play the tough guy act for half of the day. She didn’t buy it. In fact, the more I pressed her, the more she pushed back. She was a sniper. And by that I mean, every time I’d hit her with my classic mind-blowing wit, she sniped right back at me. I think Leo would call it “spunk.”

At around 5:30, a lot of the volunteer staff was going home. I was curious to see what she’d do. After all, I’d ridden her pretty hard today.  _ Okay, nope. Gotta get that imagery out now. _ I wonder how long she’d stay. 5:30 was two thirds of my day done. On a good day.

At one point, I got so caught up in whatever I prepping for tomorrow, I forgot I was supposed to be checking if she stayed or not. I stuck my head out. I was disappointed when I didn’t see her blond head out there.

“Whatcha lookin for?”

“AH!” I let out a  _ very _ manly and  _ impressively masculine  _ squeak. Donna was smiling brightly behind me. “Okay, I’m reporting you to HR.”

“Do campaigns have an HR department?”

“National ones have some version of it.”

“Oh, I’m already learning so much from you, Josh. Teach me more.” Donna exclaims dramatically. She says it in that haughty, sexual tone. I retreat back to my office. She’s laughing.

“You’re fired!” I yell out to her.

“Third time’s not the charm.” She calls back. I smile goofily at the briefing memo. I have tried to fire her twice already today. The first time I asked her to bring me coffee. She put up some argument but eventually brought me back a mug. Twenty minutes later. With the remnants of what was once coffee. She said she got thirsty on the way back. I fired her. She just reminded me about the media session and walked back out.

The second time happened when she met CJ. Women will be the end of Josh Lyman.

Just before it happened in my office, Donna is sat on the floor organizing papers.

“What are you doing?”

“Organizing.”

“Um, we’re leaving tomorrow.”

“That’s why I’m doing it.”

“I’m getting everything together that you might need for South Carolina trip.”

“My, my Joshua. They told me you got a new assistant but they didn’t tell me she would be replacing you.” CJ sauntered into my office. I sit down behind my desk. This has trouble written all over it. Donna pops up and shakes CJ’s hand.

“Donna Moss.”

“CJ Cregg, campaign spokesperson.”

“And massive pain in my ass.” I mumble. The speed that both of their glares whip over to me is enough to make any man squeal and put his head down.

“Anyways, came to welcome you on board. If this jerk gives you any trouble, let me know and I’ll be happy to kick him in his place.” CJ is the she-devil.

“Oh, funny. That’s exactly what his mother said to me today!” Donna announces.

“MY MOTHER!? When did you talk to my mother?” I shout.

“Keep your voice down. Fifteen minutes ago. She wants you to call her by the way. I told her you’d be doing so on the bus tomorrow.” She has this big grin on. I glare at her. “Oh, also she said to remind you the clock is ticking on grandchildren.” At this, CJ was laughing out right and had to leave. Donna just started humming and sat back down on the floor. I’m pretty sure I was blushing.

 

_ Donna _

February 25th, 1998

 

Yesterday had been a rollercoaster. I couldn’t help but feel like everyone was looking at me and honestly I wasn’t sure what in the world had possessed Josh Lyman to actually hire me but I loved it nonetheless. I spent a lot of the day yesterday reading and organizing. I didn’t really meet that many people. I’m pretty sure that’s going to change today. I got along really well with C.J. Cregg. I admired how she held her own with Josh. Not that I couldn’t but it was definitely in a different way when she did it.

I met Margaret and her frenetic energy reminded me of a friend I’d had in high school. Margaret gave me gossip and some tips on how to be a good assistant. Her stream of consciousness may have been hard to follow to some but I really enjoyed it. I’m going to need some mental exercises if I’m going to keep up with Josh Lyman.

I’m wearing a pair of khaki pants and light blue button down. Josh said that it was more casual on travel days but I still felt like showing up in jeans on my second day was a no go.  I get to the office a half hour early (I couldn’t sleep due to excitement as well as nerves). I know that senior staff is already here but few of the junior staffers or volunteers are here yet. I see Margaret but she looks busy so I go to camp out in Josh’s office to wait for him to be done in his meeting with Leo and the others.

Yesterday when Josh wasn’t in meetings or on the phone, we prattled on with each other. I found him grating and egotistical. I think he found me sarcastic and confusing. And we got along swimmingly for it. Our conversations were held at warp speed. I’m sure this is something Josh does with everyone but I’ve never been able to play at this level of conversational volleyball and I’m not sure if Josh has had much of someone responding to him at his pace. My theory is that my brain operates a lot like Mario Cart’s Rainbow Road while Josh’s operates like a high speed road chase in a spy movie. Somehow they compliment each other.

“Hey, you’re here early.” Josh says entering the office. I’m looking through one of the media markets files for South Carolina and I’m a little wrapped up in it so I don’t look up as I respond.

“Yeah, couldn’t stay away from you, what can I say?”

“Yeah? I can tell.” He snorts. I get up from his chair and he slides behind me to sit down. “Hey you wanna get me coffee?”

“Josh?” I finally look up.

“Yes?”

“Suck it up.”

“So that’s a no?” He’s grinning. I roll my eyes and pick up my notepad.

“Did anything get changed in the schedule for today in that meeting?”

“Nah. Toby is reworking the stump speech again but the schedule is the same for right now- at least not for the campaign.  The plane is still leaving later tonight but we’re going to get on the road at ten this morning.

“You aren’t going on the plane?”

“Nope. You and me, highways and my CDs. Leo wants me to get there early to check in on the venue for the fundraiser tomorrow night. There won’t be time to do it later.” He explains. Huh. I am going on a road trip with Josh Lyman. This should be interesting. “We’ll need to stop in New York for like an hour because there’s an issue with their field office then we’ll stop for the night in D.C. but we’ll have to leave really early in the morning.”

Josh and I talk a bit about the New York issue and then I go to take care of printing out the directions. Which he tells me he doesn’t need which convinces me that he really does. When I’m at the printer, Margaret comes up to me.

“Hi. Leo wants to meet you.” Uh oh. This feels like getting called into the principal’s office.

  
  


_ Josh _

_ February 25th, 1998 _

My original plan for today had been to drive to New York City, take care of the issue there, come back, sit with Toby about the stump, and check in with the person who’d be taking point in Nashua now that we were moving our headquarters for the next few weeks while we focus on the south. But Donna had mentioned something about leaving a little early today so she could get on the road to meet us in Charleston at the first campaign event. Which meant she was planning on driving the fifteen hours straight by herself through the night. Which I didn’t like very much  _ before  _ I walked her to her car last night. It’s a shitty car. It’s not safe. And it wouldn’t look good for the campaign for a headline to read “Bartlet Junior Campaign Staffer In Serious Wreck Because They Can’t Afford To Pay Their Staff.” Or at least that’s the reason I told myself I was so bothered by it.

In the staff meeting, I proposed the idea of Donna and I driving to New York and carrying through to D.C. so I could meet with someone I wanted to bring on board and meeting them in Charleston. Really, the plan about D.C. wasn’t untrue. It just hadn’t occurred to me until I saw Leo looking skeptical for me wanting to change plans and drive. So I covered it with wanting to bring on a kid in Senator Grath’s office who would help with our legislative portfolio. Leo shrugged and agreed.

I hadn’t seen Donna in a little while. I was typing up a memo for Toby about social security since he wanted to look into that part of our stump speech- or at least one of the parts. And then Mandy had called. Pissed off. As usual. Apparently I am to stay away from Sarah Wessinger tomorrow night at the fundraiser. Despite the fact that we were currently in one of those  _ off _ periods in our relationship.

“Donna!” I bellow.

“You summoned me your majesty?” She says, looking annoyed.

“Yeah, where’ve you been? You could have saved me!”

“From?”

“Oh, Donna. If you’re going to be my assistant… you have to know. If a woman named Mandy- or Madeline or whatever Nome De Pure Evil she goes by- tries to contact me or meet with me, it is to berate me and you should not let her do that. Ya know, trusty assistant that you are.”

“I’ll be sure to do that.” For some reason, I don’t think this is true. “I typed up a schedule for this trip.”

“Of course you did.” I reply. She glares at me. “Which I’m very grateful for?” She rolls her eyes.

“So it’s almost nine. If you still need to pack, you should go do that now. We are leaving at 9:50 from here. I’ll have to drop my car off at my hotel first. Since you insist on driving-”

“Your car is a death trap.”

“Shut up. We’ll get into New York around 2PM. We’ll go straight to the field office- if traffic is heavy, 2:30. Which it’s New York so I imagine it will be. Our goal is to leave there by 3:20. Which will have us in D.C. around 7:30. We’ll leave the following morning at 7AM. We’ll stop for lunch in Fayetteville, North Carolina around 12:45. We’ll get into Charleston by 3:30. You have your meeting with the fundraiser people at 5:00 then dinner with a donor at 6:30.”

“What dinner?”

“Oh. Leo added it.”

“You met Leo?”

“Yeah.”

“How’d it go?”

“He called me into his office a little bit ago. Said he wanted to meet me, he gave me the customary he’ll kick your ass if you annoy me too much line and asked me some questions. He was plenty nice.” I get the feeling she’s not telling the whole truth here but I’ve known her for maybe 26 hours. I can’t really pry.

“Ah-kay. Can you call Senator Grath’s office and tell them to have Larry Duffy give me a call on my cell sooner rather than later?”

“Yeah. What’s it for? And do you have the number?”

“Uh. Ask Margaret for the number. And I wanna bother Larry into meeting me tonight in D.C.  I wanna bring him into the campaign for some policy work. He knows the appropriations committees and the foreign policy players in congress really well.”

“Okay. You should go pack if you haven’t.” I haven’t. But I’m not about to leave when I have an hour to do work here.

“Wouldn’t it be more efficient for you to go grab it?” I ask, finding the swipe key and handing it over.

“Do you want me peeping on your stuff?” She says cheekily.

“Peeping? No. See now you’ve scared me.”

“Too late- you’ve already given me the card.” she waves the key card in front of me.

“Ah, but I didn’t tell you what room.” I raise my eyebrow at her, challenging her. She comes closer to my desk and leans.

“Oh, Mr. Manager. I’ve completely forgotten what room my husband and I are staying in. I feel like such a ditz. I think his cell died, would you mind terribly looking up what room Lyman is under?” I keep my eyes resolutely trained on her face because I’m pretty sure if I looked down a little bit I’d be ogling her cleavage.  Which would be bad. Obviously.

“That minor in Drama really did it, huh?” I reply, but my voice sounds off. Shit. Am I aroused at my assistant playing my wife while I’m playing “hotel manager”? If she notices the change, she doesn’t comment.

“I could have been Jennifer Aniston.” She sighs dramatically and goes to leave.

“It’s 204 by the way. You don’t have to flirt with any hotel managers.”

“But if I want to?” She tosses back at me. She looks over her shoulder as she leaves, possibly sending me into cardiac arrest.

“Have at it.” I reply, even though I vehemently dislike the idea.

  
  


_ Donna _

_ February 27th, 1998 _

 

We’re at the fundraiser now. Josh was grumpy because when we got here yesterday, things were very up in the air and the staff was running around like chickens sans heads. He complained about being a glorified event planner. We played good cop, bad cop with the fundraiser planning people. Josh was not aware of this game but it worked fantastically well. The fundraiser was going swimmingly. I couldn’t believe that I was making this happen! And while Josh was at the meeting with the donor I had twenty minutes to go to a little boutique down the street and find a dress. It was simple but cheap. It was a dark green that went past my calves. I felt both professional and sexy.

The fundraiser had started at 8PM. The senior staff (as well as Governor Bartlet’s) plane had landed at 7:20 and Josh met them in the Governor’s suite right after his donor dinner. I had gone downstairs to the ballroom to make sure no last minute catastrophes happened as soon as I had finished getting ready in the hotel lobby bathroom. (My hotel was a good bit away from here, this place was too expensive). I didn’t see Josh until he called me to come to behind the stage area around 8:10.

He had not warned me that Governor Bartlet would be right there as I stepped through the curtains. The Governor, his wife, his daughter, Josh, CJ, a grumpy looking person I assumed was Toby, Leo, Margaret and a very handsome man I’d later learn was named Sam were all gathered in the small staging area. My first thought was  _ oh my god. That is the next President of the United States damn you Josh for not telling me _ which led to me searching for Josh’s eyes to glare at him but the only thought I had was  _ he’s looking at me. In a way a boss usually shouldn’t. I do not mind. I do not mind one bit. _ It wasn’t like he was undressing my body with his eyes. It wasn’t lustful. He’s looking at me like I’ve stunned him, like I’m beautiful.

“Donna!” Leo booms, smiling at me. Josh looks down and seems to regain his composure. I don’t think anyone noticed… except maybe Leo who had something of a knowing look in his eyes. “Everything looking good out there?”

“Yes, sir. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. We’ve had some donations already which I expect we’ll have a lot more after the speech.”

“Unless he blows the C section.” The man who I’m almost positive is Toby mumbles to my right. He looks quite anxious. I wonder if he’s always like this before the Governor speaks. That can’t be healthy.

“Josh tells us everything was a mess til you came in. So thank you. Have you met the Governor?” Leo ignores Toby. Josh has stepped up by Leo now. He gives me a smile. I return it as a thank you for telling Leo about me doing a good job. I wasn’t sure if Josh had even noticed. But I’m also just a bit nervous about the prospect of meeting Jed Bartlet. Leo is leading me over to him anyways.

“Jed? I have someone for you to meet. This is Donna Moss, she joined the campaign recently and she’s doing great work with Josh.” Leo introduces. I think I’m going to pass out.

“Nice to meet you, Donna! Which one is Josh?” He leans to shake my hand. In my periphery, I can see Josh take an annoyed inhale. I think he thinks he’s being serious. I’m pretty sure he’s just giving Josh a hard time. As if I needed another reason to like this man.

“You, too, sir. I-I saw you speak on T.V. and a few days later, I was on my way to Nashua. I am excited to be here, to work on the campaign.” I’m worried that I sound too immature or that I’m giving away too much information but I can’t help rambling a little bit. “And honestly, sir, I think he’s one of the ones frowning but I’m not quite sure.” I joke, hoping I didn’t cross the line. It’s too easy! It’s Josh. I look at him next to me, he’s glaring at me but unsuccessfully. His lips are twitching upwards. The governor laughs. Score for Donna.

“Donna, this is my wife, Dr. Bartlet.” He gestures to the graceful woman next to him. She shakes my hand as well. Before she says anything, CJ comes over from talking on the phone.

“Governor, I think it’s time.” She says. He nods.

“Alright, let’s kick off your plan to override democracy!” He jokes. I’m not sure what this is a reference to but I see Josh discretely roll his eyes then turn to me. He jerks his head to indicate that we should go back out. We walk side by side out into the ballroom and find a spot in the back. Josh’s hand is on the small of my back, touching very lightly. He removes it as we come to a stop but I think I may be blushing just from the small gesture. And I was thinking of his face when he first saw me. Oh no.

I have a crush on my boss. Who I’ve known for less than three days.  _ I am so screwed. _


	2. Donna Goes Home

Act One, Chapter Two, Donna Goes Home  
Josh  
March 12th, 1998

Donna has only worked here for three weeks. I am at a loss for why this seems impossible. She is so ingrained into my world now. Professionally, I’ve become a lot more efficient. Leo is happy with me. Bartlet knows who I am now. (And loves Donna which I haven’t decided if I’m slightly envious or slightly proud). My office is clean and I’m prepared any meeting I go into. The campaign is even picking up speed. A small part of me credits this entirely to Donna’s magic. We didn’t do great at the Iowa Caucus and that was pre-Donna. The New Hampshire primary was two days after she got here. Bartlet had came in first by a hare but hadn’t exceeded expectations so I wasn’t calling it a win. Donna told me I was being ridiculous. The Nevada Caucus was next and we hadn’t spent much time there given the allure of Hoynes there and the name recognition of Wiley. But we came in second by very few delegates. Everyone was shocked and it gave us lots of free media time which helped leading into South Carolina. We came in second. And not that far from Hoynes. That night everyone was celebrating hard in the Bartlet camp. Wiley dropped out after Alabama (where it was a closer bid for second place but he needed a much stronger finish there if he were to stay in the race).  
This thing we have going on… It’s more than just professionally though.  
When we finish the day at the office, we go to the bar with our friends. Her and CJ have hit it off. Toby has that older brother thing going on with her even if he doesn’t want to show it. Sam and her are trouble. Sometimes I can’t decide if they’re flirting or if Sam’s like a younger brother to her (even though Sam is older than her). I hope it’s the latter and I won’t read into why. CJ has an assistant now as well; Carol. She also accompanies us on our escapades. Her and Donna and CJ and Margaret have formed The Sisterhood. Toby, Sam, and I are intimidated. But it’s also our favorite thing and we will never say it to their faces.  
I did notice that when Carol came on as CJ’s assistant, Donna got a little weird. We were eating chinese food in my hotel room one night, watching the floor debate about an education bill that would undoubtedly affect how we campaign in the coming weeks, when I asked her what was up. I remember her first few days being reserved about prying into her life when I noticed something was the matter. That faded. We were open books with each other. Verbally or not.  
“What’s up with the Carol thing by the way?” I said, perhaps a little insensitively.  
“Huh?”  
“You’ve been weird about her.” I shrugged.  
“What? No, I haven’t. Oh, god. Have I been rude?” Donna went from confused to guarded to worried in .02 seconds.  
“Nah, just weird. I don’t think anyone else noticed.” I tried to assure her. It was true. I have a weird spidey sense with Donna. It goes both ways though. She certainly more so.  
“Ah… She’s great. I’m just…” She bites her lip. I know that now is the time to shut up and wait. “She has a degree. And had an internship in the political world and worked at a newspaper before this and she’s an assistant.” I don’t think she’s going to expand on that but she doesn’t need to. She feels insecure about her qualifications.  
“Donna, CJ only hired Carol after begging me for you.” It was true. CJ told me after telling her off that I should be less touchy about Donna.  
“Yeah, I know. And trust me, I’m flattered. I just look at her and Margaret and Mrs. Landingham and I feel… small.” She’s talking at a low volume. I mute the TV and turn to her.  
“You told me I’d find you valuable? You are. Not just to me. To this campaign. Seriously, you have to promise me you won’t let the Governor steal you away from me when we get him elected. After meetings where I’m pretty sure he’s going to quit, he walks over to your desk. I don’t know what you say to him but even Leo said we should all be singing your praises. Mrs. Landingham is an amazing woman. She’s been by his side forever. Carol is smart. She’s got chops. Margaret is freakishly good at managing Leo. But you are all those things too.” I can’t help this little compliment rant. It’s the most sincere I’ve been with anyone outside my family in a long time.  
That was last week. We came back to New Hampshire two days ago. Since that night, she’s seemed happier. Maybe I am an egomaniac like she says because I can’t help but feel a little proud and responsible for her mood. I like that my words can make her feel better about herself.   
After an incredibly frustrating phone call with the DNC finance chair, Donna comes in.  
“Do we have the recent numbers for Iowa?” I ask rubbing my hand over my face.  
“Hello to you too, Joshua. No, we’re still waiting on the fax from the pollsters there. Your mom called by the way.” I groan at both of these statements. “Josh, don’t be a baby. The fax will be here soon, I’ll let you know as soon as it is. Now you have fifteen minutes free so call your mother.”  
“No, I don’t. I’m meeting with our debate specialist in five minutes.”  
“I pushed it back. Call her.”  
“Donna.”  
“Josh.”  
We stare each other down. As if I was ever going to win that one. I scowl and go to pick up the phone.  
“Good boy. Maybe you’ll get a treat later.” She says in the most condescending voice I’ve ever heard. Normally I’d yell at someone for that. On Donna, I grin and roll my eyes.  
“What kind of treat?” I wiggle my eyebrows suggestively. Okay. Probably should not do this. It’s been happening more and more recently. From both of us. Jesus. This is not good. Donna scoffs at my joke and leaves. I see her fighting off a laugh though which does something to my insides.  
My conversation with my mother is equal parts grounding and stressful. I should call her more often, Donna’s right. She asked when we were going to be in Connecticut. I expected more excitement from her when I told her it’d be in two weeks, almost a week and a half technically. It was an ominous feeling.  
The next time I got to talk to Donna was later that day, a little before we would leave to get drinks with our little crew.  
“Hey, you finished that meeting early.” Following me into my office.  
“Uh, yeah.” I say shortly. “My mind has been other places.” I lean on the front of my desk and look at the floor.  
“Josh, what’s wrong?” She says quietly, soothing.  
“The call with my mom. She, uh… I might just be being paranoid. I don’t think I am though. She wants me to come home to talk- she tried to pass it off as just a visit but usually she sounds all excited and what not about that kind of thing but… I think my dad is sick. Again.”  
“He’s been sick before?” She asks. I’m glad she’s standing a little bit away. I need the distance but her presence at the same time.  
“Yeah.” I cough, trying not to have my voice crack. “He, uh, had cancer a little while back. Beat it. I think they’re going to tell me it’s back.”  
“Okay.” I think most people would have said I’m sorry or oh no poor you or how can I help? And while that all would have been well intended, I probably would have imploded with that response. Donna’s is perfect. “What do you want to do now?”  
“I’m not up for the bar.”  
“Sure.”  
“You can go though.” I say halfheartedly. She gives me a small smile.  
“Nah. That’s okay. We can watch CSPAN and drink beer?” She offers. I know this means we’ll talk. It’s happened a couple times and we always end up having these heart to hearts. I think tonight I need that, not trying to perk up and drown my sorrows in front of my friends.  
Donna does make me feel better that night. We talk about politics first. Then I ask her questions about her family. Eventually she tells me to stop avoiding it. I admit that I’m scared and that I don’t want my mom to be alone and that it was gruesome to watch him go through the chemo last time. I told her stories about him- the good ones. We laughed and smiled and at some point, our hands had joined.

 

Donna  
March 13th, 1998

I think I would kill to alleviate Josh’s pain. That’s not healthy and I know it but he’s become my best friend in the three short weeks I’ve known him. Sometimes it feels like I’ve been speaking a different language all my life and I’ve just met someone who speaks it too. I put the crush at the back of my mind most of the time. I just focus on doing a good job and having fun with Josh… and others.  
But the whole holding hands thing… The way his thumb drew patterns on my skin. How he looked down as he realized what we were doing and didn’t pull away. How I squeezed his hand when I knew he needed reassurance. This all felt more intimate than any sex I ever had with Dr. Freeride. Oh god. Josh would kill me for comparing him to that guy. He wouldn’t even pay attention to the content of the thought, he’d be so caught up in the comparison.  
Josh hates him. I had opened up to Josh about the day I decided to leave him. I told him about the abortion. And he listened to my thoughts and he assured me that I had every right and there was no judgement. He had yelled when I told him that Freeride was cheating. I think he nearly turned purple when I confided in him some of the meaner things Paul had said. Josh Lyman, killer political operative, is the sweetest man I have ever known.  
I’m mulling this over in the shower when I realize.  
I’m in love with him.  
I am completely and exhaustively love this man.  
And I feel woozy. And then nauseous when I realize that there’s no way he feels the same way about his uneducated, over ten years his junior assistant. Oh, god.

 

A few hours later, I’m at work and I’m feeling like I got hit by a truck. I know Josh thinks I’m acting weird. CJ and Carol asked if I was okay. Toby gave me a weird look when I came into relay a message from Josh (which I had done poorly).  
It was killing me to see Josh. I couldn’t keep up our banter because I was too self conscious about hiding my feelings. It was a terrible terrible feeling. And then I walked into Josh’s office to find him flirting with Mandy Hampton, so-called she-devil. Mandy had been here when we got back to Nashua. But I hadn’t been concerned about her. Josh seemed to hate her. Now I’m realizing that that’s probably a weird version of psychological foreplay for Josh Lyman. I keep it together while I brief Josh on his next meeting. He’s still looking at me funny but he can’t ask me what’s wrong with Mandy in the room.  
An hour later, Josh has just left for an event with the governor in Massachusetts- their primary being in two days. He won’t be back until tomorrow afternoon. I’m feeling depressed and annoyed. He called me around 8 as I was getting back to my hotel. I ignored the call. CJ had also called me, asking where I was, why wasn’t I getting dinner with them? I sigh.  
My phone rings again once I’ve changed into my pajamas. For some unknown reason, maybe just habit, I picked it up without looking at the caller ID.  
It’s Paul. He’s apologizing. And it does sound sincere. And I don’t really want to be with him but I think it has to be better than an unrequited romance with a boss at a job you’re underqualified and too naive for.  
I get to the office absurdly early and I put my letter of resignation on Margaret’s desk with a sticky note telling her to only give to him once Josh is back. I leave a letter of goodbye for CJ on her desk. I pack my desk, put the small box in my car. Then I hide in Josh’s office. I owe it to him to tell him in person. Or maybe I’m a masochist.  
“Hey!” Josh is surprised as he walks in and sees me. “You slackin’ off in here?” He’s joking but I can see he’s worried about this. I’m not sitting in his chair like I usually would and he may have noticed that my desk is devoid of my things.  
“Josh.” I whisper, looking at the floor.  
“What’s going on?” He asks, dropping the goofy smile.  
“I’m leaving. I’m so sorry. I loved this job and I loved working for you and you’ve been great and everyone has been great but I… have to go.” I hold my breath for him to yell. But he says nothing. I look at him. He looks like I just took the wind out of his sails and then beat him with those winds. “I really am sorry. I have to go back to Wisconsin. You- I’m sorry.”  
“Uh. Okay. Wait. No.” He’s pacing now. “There’s no way you’re going back to him.” Why does he have to be so handsome when he’s upset with me?  
“I am, Josh. I know you don’t understand-”  
“UNDERSTAND!? You want me to understand!? You’re insane! You’re leaving a serious job where you’ve somehow wormed your way into becoming invaluable AND NOW YOU ARE LEAVING FOR A BOY WHO IS AN IDIOT AND MADE YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT AND YOU WANT ME TO UNDERSTAND? No, I’m not going to fucking do that.” I had prepared for something like this. It cut just as much as I thought it would. “That’s unbelievable! You don’t just leave people!… you could have… you should be so much more than this and you’re CHOOSING to be this IMMATURE poor-decision-making girl driven by the whims of some GUY WHO’S CREDIT CARD MAX’D OUT-”  
“JOSH!” Leo just came in. Josh freezes. His fists are clenched and his shoulders tensed. “We can hear you out here. Donna can make her own choices. You’re acting like a child.”  
“Leo- no. I’m not. She is-”  
“Very mature.”  
“No, you have to tell her she can’t go. You have a daughter, Leo. If this was Mal, you wouldn’t let her throw away a real career! For some douchebag-”  
“She’s not my daughter. She’s an employee. Get it together.” Leo looks beyond pissed. I’m stood frozen on the spot, bouncing from shame to indignation to embarrassment.  
“Leo-”  
“Josh, go in my office and cool off.” He demands.  
Josh looks back at me. I can see the hurt in his eyes before he starts walking away.  
“Josh?” I manage to find my voice.  
“What?” He hisses at me nearing the door, not turning back.  
“You- I know you’re mad at me but if you need to talk when you go see… I just, I’ll be there. You can call.” He doesn’t say anything for a while. Then I see him nod once and he walks out of my life for what I think is forever. And I know damn well he won’t call. And I know there will always be a piece of me who loves him. That piece right now feels like the whole pie.  
Once he’s gone, I think I’m crying. Leo hugs me. I didn’t expect this.  
“He’s right about some things. He doesn’t know how to put it but he’s right. You should stay. We were going to put you on salary next week. Say the word and I’ll rip up that letter right now and I’ll tell Josh to forget this happened and it can still work.” Leo says but he doesn’t sound convinced. I smile weakly at him.   
“Leo, I am so honored to have done the little I have done. I-I really am sorry.” I know I can’t ask him to rip up that letter. I can’t be Josh’s Margaret. “I know I have no right to ask you for anything now but… If he, if he- gets bad news when you guys go to Connecticut, can you remind him that I said to call and that I meant it? And please tell the Governor that he has a big supporter in Wisconsin. And I’ll never forget getting to meet the future President.” I’m crying and Leo is nice enough to just pat me on the back.  
“You got it, kid… There’s a backdoor next to Toby’s office just in case you wanted… some privacy. Not that you have anything to feel, ya know-”  
“That’s sweet, Leo. But I do and we both know it. I’ll go out the back door.”  
And so I left. Once I stopped crying, I drove. With a sense of dread, I drove home.

 

Josh  
March 30th, 1998

I’ve thrown myself into work harder than before. Well, I suppose I’d have to considering I don’t have an assistant anymore. I mean I could find one probably but I don’t want to do that. So I’ll overwork myself til someone pulls me out of here. Sometimes it’s Sam for dinner. Sometimes it’s drinking with CJ and Toby. Sometimes it’s sex with Mandy.  
Yup, that’s started back up again. It keeps me busy and distracted and fighting with her is a little fun. Mostly frustrating but it can be fun at times, a little bit. I refuse to compare it to bickering with She Who Will Not Be Named.  
My parents told me last week about my dad’s cancer. Apparently it isn’t as bad as last time and they caught it early and they are relatively optimistic but there are risks. That night my dad talked to me alone.  
“I know you won’t want to hear this but… My will is in my office. In the second right desk drawer. And you’ll need to take care of your mom. She can’t be alone. And no matter what happens, I love you. And I really hope you love someone the way I love your mother. Get Jed Bartlet elected. You’ve always seen problems and been frustrated by them and so determined to change them. You’re going to do that now. I knew you were going to change the world when you started walking. The look of determination in your eyes. You were way young to do it but you didn’t like sitting still. God, you used to terrify your mother and I by climbing any surface you could. The more dangerous, the easier you seemed to do it. Take care of Leo too. He’s going to want to take care of you, let him. But return the favor. He’s a great man and I’m so glad he talked you into this crazy thing. I want like hell to see you change the world but you are already an incredible young man and I can’t be more proud to call you my son.”  
I cried. That morning my mother hugged me and I teared up then too. Ten minutes later, I’m eating breakfast and my mother springs on me…  
“So who is she?”  
“Huh?”  
“You’ve been lovesick!”  
“I’m pretty sure you just told me dad has cancer so if I’m a little glum that might be why.”  
“No, no. A mother always knows.”  
“Call the press. Motherly instinct wrong for the first time in human history.” I try to joke.  
“Is it Donna?”  
“WhAT!? No! Mom. She quit anyways. Besides she’s practically a child. And she’s from Wisconsin. And I’m dating Mandy Hampton now. Again.” My mom doesn’t buy it. She rolls her eyes.  
When I came back and told Leo the news, he looked sad but said he’d call my dad and tell him he’d kick his ass if he didn’t fight like hell. And then he told me to call Donna. Which I told him I had no intention or reason to do so. He tried to push me on it but I was very confident in that decision. Mainly because the other night I’d had a dream about calling her and her answering while she was having sex with Dr Freeride. It’s haunting me.  
The Governor hasn’t been that friendly with me lately. I think he blames me for Donna leaving. Which is insane. And I have nothing to feel guilty about. Absolutely nothing. And I believe this twenty three hours of the day. But there’s the short period of time in between being conscious and being asleep where my brains rolls through all the things I should have done differently.

 

Donna  
April 4th, 1998

So to distract myself from the overwhelming regret and shame and hopeless love I have for Josh Lyman, I threw myself into being the perfect girlfriend. I cleaned. I worked my shitty jobs. I didn’t complain. I cooked. I listened and supported his stupid complaints about his residency. And now I’m sitting in a hospital, pissed as hell, full of anguish.   
When he finally does arrive, he’s fucking drunk. And he made a comment about not being able to afford a new car so we better hope I didn’t total it.  
I slapped him and called a cab. My parents were sleeping when I knocked on their door but brought me in and didn’t ask any questions… yet.  
My brother and I got my stuff the next morning. He asked me what I was going to do now. I shrugged. I knew what I was going to do. I was going to grovel. It would be embarrassing and probably wouldn’t work but I had to try.  
I’d told myself at first that I would go back to being blissfully ignorant of the Bartlet campaign. It wasn’t blissful and didn’t last long before I was scanning newspapers, scouring the internet, and watching the news in my spare time. I even caught CJ on MSNBC! I cheered her on, feeling a little silly and very proud. She was incredible. They won in Vermont  
I’d go back to the Bartlet campaign and I’d beg Josh. And he’d yell and laugh at me and say no. I’d beg Sam or Toby but they’re too loyal to Josh. And I wouldn’t really push them on it. I’d beg CJ and she’d probably try to find something for me. At the very least, I think Margaret would let me work with the volunteers. And maybe I’d do such a good job for a while and Josh would see I was still invaluable and that I wasn’t going to leave, he’d hire me back as his assistant and maybe we’d work up to being friends again. That would be enough, keeping his eyes in my life.

 

Josh  
April 9th, 1998

I’m in a meeting in the conference room with Larry and Sam and Leo and a few others when I see a flash of blond hair. A nightmare? No. This is real life. Some kind of cruel belated April Fool’s joke? Maybe. I’ve officially lost it? Probably. I refocus on the meeting.  
Okay I just saw it again. And the figure turns a little and I swear to god, that is Donnatella Moss and it’s an odd sensation to feel both numb and on fire.  
“Uh, I’ve got a thing- I’ll be back.” I run out of the meeting, not bothering to look at any of them. She’s talking to Carol and Margaret. I can’t hear what she’s saying but she looks nervous. I want to scream at her. I want to ask her what the hell she was thinking. I want to hug her tight. I don’t do any of this. I can’t afford to lose her again.  
“Oh, hey. Thank god you’re here, there’s a pile of stuff on the desk.” I nod my head towards my office and go the opposite way. I get a water from the vending machine despite not being thirsty and return to my meeting. I’m oscillating between elation, caution, and anger and I’m not sure what will win when we talk again.

Donna  
May 14th, 1998

I knew there’d be hell to pay when I returned. I thought about it the whole drive here. I just didn’t expect this particular brand of hell. Josh is cold and professional. He only talks to me when necessary and doesn’t laugh at my attempts at jokes. It’s been like this for a month. There’s also the issue of Mandy. They’re all over each other. We’ve been flying back and forth a lot lately given the string of primaries coming up. On the plane, she practically sits on his lap. As soon as we get to the hotel, she pulls him to the elevator. They’re not subtle. The only redeeming thing is that Josh doesn’t look happy about it. He doesn’t seem like a man in love. But he’s not reluctant either. How can you blame him? Mandy is beautiful woman with more sex appeal in her pinky than I have overall.  
I tried to talk to Josh about leaving to apologize and let him vent but he walked in that day after telling me about the stuff on the desk and for a second, I thought he was going to yell and what not. The next second he was going on business as usual. I tried to interrupt him to apologize but he shrugged and insisted it was no big deal.  
Everyone else has welcomed me back into their ranks. Some more easily than others. Toby told me it was stupid then hugged me- which was surprising but made me feel a lot better. Sam was nice to me and tried to keep his distance I think in respect to Josh but he didn’t hold out for long. Margaret was annoyed with me for a week then told me she decided to put it behind us. The Governor was happy that I was back, said he was proud of me for coming back. CJ was relieved, saying that Josh had been unbearable. She was also concerned for me. She didn’t seem to buy my story about the late thaw with the state of my ankle. I think she suspects something far worse than the truth so I know I should probably be honest about it but I’d feel wrong to not tell Josh and tell her. Not that Josh and I are particularly close now.  
Sometimes his mother calls to talk to me. I think she wants to know that someone is keeping an eye out for her son but also I do think she just likes talking to me. She’ll tell me about her worries about Josh’s dad continuing to work despite receiving radiation therapy. I comfort her. Josh doesn’t know about these conversations I have with her and I’m not inclined to tell him about it yet.  
Josh is a little tipsy tonight. Everyone is celebrating because the past few primaries have been good for us. But we need a win. So everyone is drinking through their nerves as well. I watch him across the room. He looks happy. My heart swells with the thought and he looks over at me, finding my eyes instantly. He raises his glass to me and smiles. I smile wider than I have in a while.  
The numbers are pouring in now. It looks like we’re going to do well. Like we may have a heavy win. Everyone is on the edge of their seats. I get a call and step outside. It’s Deb, Josh’s mom.  
“Hi! How are you guys?” I ask her cheerily, wondering if they’re watching the coverage. I can imagine Josh’s dad talking about his son winning the primary. I had also had a couple conversations with Noah. He was a lovely man.  
“Donna…” Deb’s voice isn’t herself. It sounds devastated. My stomach drops to the floor.  
“What’s wrong?” I ask, dreading the answer.  
“Donna, I’m so sorry. I need you to tell Josh. I can’t do it. I can’t do that to my baby. Noah… Noah died.” She is crying now. I’d do anything to have something to say to comfort her but I’m at a loss. I’ll do as she asked and tell Josh but internally I’m thinking, no please don’t make me do this. Don’t make me break him.  
“Deb, I am so sorry. Of course I will. I’ll make sure he’s… I’ll get him to you as soon as I can. I’m sending you my love. Are you at home?”  
“No I’m still at the- at the hospital.”  
“Okay, which one? I’m going to send you a car to take you home. Or wherever it is that you need to be.”  
She tries to tell me not to make a fuss, to worry about taking care of Josh. I insist that taking care of her is taking care of Josh. I feel guilty as we say goodbye even though there is so little I can do. I arrange the car first. She wants to go to temple, instead of home, first.  
I walk into a room that is full of cheering and excitement. I think I just saw CJ plant one on Sam. I’m looking for Josh feeling like hell for having to do this to him. He’s hugging Leo. I remember that Leo and Noah are friends. Were. This is going to be a rough night.  
“Josh.”  
“Leo! We gotta change this music. We gotta-”  
“Josh.”  
“We gotta replace it with some Doobie Brothers!”  
“Josh.”  
“Ya gotta get happy, Donna. We just won the Illinois Primary!” His hands are on me but I can’t focus on that right now.  
“No, Josh-”  
“Come dance with me!”  
“No, Josh. Your father died.” I’ve never seen devastation settle in like this. Noah Lyman was bigger than God in his son’s eyes. I watch the boyishness that I love so dearly leave his eyes as he processes this. “Josh, I’m so sorry.”  
“My mother. She called you?”  
“Yes. She asked me to tell you. I’ve already booked your flight and I got her a car to take her from the hospital. You should go pack. If there’s anything else you need, just let me know.” I don’t say I’m sorry. It’s not what he needs or wants right now. He’s nodding.  
“Thanks.” His voice breaks a little and he steps in to hug me. His face is buried in my hair and his breathing is hot on my neck. I don’t know what to do other than hold him. It lasts longer than it should but everyone is so busy celebrating that they don’t notice. We pull away at the same time. “I should…”  
“Yeah. I’ll be by in a second with your tickets. I have to go print them.” I also need time to tell everyone else. Josh leaves to go pack. Sam noticed him leave and looked at me curiously. I held up a finger, indicating to give me a minute and gave a weak smile apologetically. I have to tell Leo first. It’s his friend.  
I knock on the room where I know Leo is with the Governor. Leo opens the door smiling. Mr and Mrs Bartlet are hugging and doing a little dance.  
“Leo…” I begin.  
“What’s wrong, kid?” He looks serious now. The Governor and Doctor Bartlet have taken notice now.  
“Josh’s dad died tonight. Mrs. Lyman called me a little bit ago. I’m so sorry. I know he was your friend.” Leo looks horrified. The Bartlets look on with worry.  
“Is Josh alright?” Doctor Bartlet asks me.  
“He’s packing right now.” I give her a nonanswer. He’s not alright and I’m not about to lie to the future First Lady.  
Leo asks me some questions about logistics. About Josh’s flight. About Deb being taken care of. I assure him as much as I can and then give him his privacy.  
“Sam, CJ, grab Toby.” CJ goes to get Toby. Sam is looking at me with trepidation. They look at me expectantly. This is hard. “Josh’s dad passed away.”  
Toby immediately grabs Sam’s shoulder as Sam looks down in pain. CJ looks shocked. I tell them I need to go make sure Josh is ready for his flight. They nod. I know they’ll take care of the rest and each other.  
I print the tickets and run back up to Josh’s room. When he answers the door, I want to hold him again but I know he has to be the one to make the first move with this.  
“Hey.” He says, dejectedly.  
“Hi. Here are your tickets. Your plane leaves in two hours, it’s not a whole lot of time but the flight isn’t too crowded so boarding shouldn’t take that long.” I’m trying to focus on the logistical side. Hoping to get Josh through this.  
“Come with me.” He says. I look up at him in shock. “Please.” His voice is raw. I can’t help it. I hug him. We resume the position from earlier but now I can feel hot tears on my neck.  
“Of course. If you’re sure. I’ll be there.” I whisper. I rub soothing patterns on his back.  
“Thanks. I can’t- I can’t do this alone. Come home with me. I need you.” Josh has never been this vulnerable with me. I wonder if he’ll regret asking me to come when the fog of the shock and sadness wear off. I can’t focus on that now though.  
I help Josh finish packing and we go to my room so I can pack. He calls the airline to get me a flight because he needs to do something. Once I’m done, we go down to the lobby. He calls the cab because the shuttle would take too long. I run up to the campaign room to check in and let them know we’re both going to Connecticut. Leo doesn’t look surprised he nods, telling me to take good care of him and Deb. I make that promise and I mean it.

 

Later, as we’re about to board, I come back from the restroom. Josh looks a little better.  
“The Governor… he came to say goodbye. To make sure I was okay. Tried to come with me actually.” He laughs a little but it’s a dark laugh.  
“We’re going to make a good man president.” I tell him. He smiles a little and puts his hand on my back, leading me to the boarding area.


	3. Josh Wins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter gets smutty

Donna  
June 1st, 1998

We won California. We did well on Super Tuesday. All we have left is Texas- where we’ll be crushed- and Maryland- where we’ll kill. Going into the convention it’s going to be a fight, I’ll tell you.  
We just got into Tampa, where the convention is being held. Josh is in a mood. He doesn’t like Florida. It doesn’t help that we lost Florida to Hoynes. The DNC people are being difficult. Josh thinks their gaming for a Hoynes victory. Josh is on his phone almost every minute of the day, trying to gain delegates. We’re in his hotel room now. CJ, Sam, and Toby were here a little bit ago. We talked shop then played some cards. Toby left first then Sam and CJ did. Josh and I went down to the CVS in the hotel and got candy. We’re talking shop again while eating gummy worms and Werther’s caramels respectively. Josh did make fun of me for the Werther’s, calling me an old lady.  
Things with Josh after our trip to Connecticut for his father’s funeral have been better between us. He was sad for a little while but he kept himself busy by working to the bone, teasing me, or having sex with Mandy when she blips on to a campaign stop. She’s not primarily working with us anymore so she’s not a constant fixture- thank god. Josh doesn’t really discuss their relationship with me which I’d find weird as he tells me everything but I’m more focused on being glad that he doesn’t. I’d vomit if I had to hear a word about their sex life.  
Every once in a while, I’ll find him in an off moment. He’s still processing his grief. Every time something great happens for the campaign, there’s flicker of pain on his face. Like he’s remembering he can’t tell his father about it. But he knows how to put on a good act and I don’t think most people notice. Most people don’t spend so much time looking at him.  
I’m still in love with Josh. And every once in a while there are moments where he’ll look at me a certain way or he’ll touch me a certain way that makes me feel a little crazy about him and think that maybe he wants me too. I dismiss the notion as quick as I can. Josh Lyman does not love me.

Josh  
June 3rd, 1998

I do not love Donna Moss. As I have repeatedly told my mother. She is convinced that we are in love and will give her grandchildren. I seriously hope she doesn’t breathe a word of this to Donna.  
I know that they talk regularly. It makes me happy. The night of my dad’s funeral Donna and I got wasted in my childhood bedroom and she told me that they talk. She seemed to feel a little guilty about it but I tell her I don’t mind, that I like it. She blushed. It was adorable. Which is perfectly normal thing to think about your assistant who’s your right hand man and your best friend.  
Enough of that. We have a job to do people.  
Today is the day. The first delegate count had been split with neither Hoynes nor Bartlet able to seal the nomination. But Leo and I pulled a long night yesterday and I really think that it’s happening. I have a good feeling.  
That good feeling though doesn’t exactly keep me from going a little crazy throughout the day. I’m feeling competitive with the Hoynes people. Their campaign manager has been goading me in meetings. Harry Steinman is an asshole. I worked with him for a few years with Hoynes and he seems to be aiming to piss me off. Leo and Donna have kept me as calm as possible.  
Donna and I are in the war room, surrounded by other anxious Bartlet staffers. She’s holding tightly to my hand as we watch the delegates declare their votes. When Alaska flips for us, I pump my fist. When we snag Utah, Donna and I stand and cheer. I’m not sure when we moved to this but I’m now behind Donna, with my arms settling from behind her around her shoulders. There’s a safe distance between our bodies though. She’s gripping my forearms.  
And then it happens.  
We win.  
Donna turns in my arms and smiles brightly up at me. God, I could kiss her right now. Leo catches my eye though. He nods at me, looking proud and happy. I mouth thank you at him and turn my attention back to Donna. We’re still holding each other but at a little bit of a space between us. She’s watching the frenzy of people celebrating. I’m not sure there’s anything more beautiful than Donna laughing.  
She turns her gaze to me and her face changes. At first, I don’t like that she’s stopped smiling. But I see something in her eyes. She wants me to kiss her.  
I do.

Donna  
June 3rd, 1998

The kiss is light and lingering. When we do pull away, I search his eyes. He looks happy and excited- but that could be just from the win. But he also looks like he wants to kiss me much harder and deeper than that and I have no objections.  
The festivities around us don’t pause or take notice as I lead him out of there. Once we are out of the room, he leads me. He can’t get his door to open but it doesn’t ruin the mood. I take the card from him and slowly put it in and look at him saucily over my shoulder. His breath actually catches. He pushes me against the door in the hallway and kisses me hard. When I feel like all my nerve endings are screaming for more I pull away and have to put the card in again.  
Then he opens the door from behind me and I step into the room. His hands go to my hips and snake around the front. He moves my hair to kiss my neck. I try to repress my moan but I can’t. It spurs him on further. I can feel his arousal against me. My whole body is yearning for his. I’ve never been so turned on in my life.  
I turn back to face him. His hands move to my ass, pressing me to him. His eyes are lustful and I’m amazed it’s directed towards me. He leans in but doesn’t kiss me yet. He just stares into my eyes. I think I may have actually whimpered. Which would have been embarrassing if Josh hadn’t found it so sexy. He growled and pressed his lips to mine. I want him so badly- it’s a little overwhelming.  
Then the tension of it breaks as we’re kissing and we start smiling into each other’s mouths and then I’m giggling. Josh pulls away looking all giddy.  
“Is this… weird?” He asks.  
“No.” I answer. “Maybe a little. But… we both want to? Right?” I ask, feeling awkward despite the evidence against my thigh that at least physically he wants me. He kisses me again.  
“Yes.” He answers.  
His hands untuck my shirt as I go to unbutton his. He groans when I scratch his chest lightly. I go to kiss his neck. He’s pulling my shirt up, pressing his fingers into my back. He finds the clasp of my bra with one hand and with the other he palms my breast. I moan. We both laugh a little as we continue to undress one another. Equally awkward and giddy and turned on.  
When we do land on the bed, Josh takes off my pants and then picks the blanket out from under us. It’s a small gesture but my heart melts. He’s touching me through my thong which he made quite the noise at when he saw them as I pulled my pants down my legs. I palm him through his boxers and arch against his chest as his finger enters me.  
Soon both our underwear is off and he stops and he looks at me seriously.  
“You want to do this, yeah?” He asks, searching my eyes for any doubt. He won’t find any.  
“Yes. I really do.” I tell him, blushing at my own strong sincerity. He reaches over for the condom and rolls it onto himself. His fingers enter me again and he rubs my clit, making sure I’m wet enough. I could feel when I was stroking him that he was bigger than most of the guys I’ve been with but I know he won’t hurt me. I’ve never trusted anyone so explicitly.  
“Okay. Ready?” He asks. I smile at him.  
“Do you want me to say ‘set, go’?” I tease. He squints at me playfully. I giggle.  
“You’re trouble, Donnatella.” He tells me and then I feel him push into me slowly.  
It’s not a completely pleasant feeling as I stretch around him but he’s so gentle that it’s not painful.  
“Are you okay?” He sounds out of breath. I push him slowly up so he pulls out of me. I stroke his face to reassure him and push him onto his back. I straddle him.  
“I’m okay but it’s probably better this way.” I say quietly before kissing him. He lets me take control from here. I take it slow at first and I’m sure it was nearly unbearable for him to not thrust his hips up but he’s a perfect gentleman. I squeeze his shoulders as I get into a rhythm. He’s panting and telling me I’m beautiful. I’m moaning and seemed to have lost the ability to speak.  
At some point after my first orgasm, we roll onto our sides. He plays with my clit and pumps in and out of me slow and steady.  
I’ve never had such sweet, lovely sex. I orgasm the second time and bring him on top of me as I roll onto my back, hooking my legs behind his back.  
“Josh, you feel so good.” I moan. He responds my quickening his thrusts. It doesn’t take long after that for him to finish. He collapses on his back next to me, pulling me against him. I smile against his chest.  
We stay like that for a while until the air changes. I feel the exact moment where Josh starts overthinking. He tenses up a little and takes a sharp breath.  
“Josh…” I say, not daring to look at him yet.  
“Donna…” He says my name so tenderly that I feel a little teary-eyed. Especially because I know what he’s going to say next. “I don’t want to say this. I really, really don’t want to but… I don’t think we can do this again.” he says it very quietly, as if that will lessen the hurt. I start to pull away from him but he pulls me back in. “Don’t be mad. It’s not whatever you’re thinking. I just, I can’t do this to you. You should have a job with the White House when we win. You can’t work for me if we do this… And you deserve to have a chance at this career.”  
“Okay.” I say, still feeling the sting of rejection. I sit up. He does too and leans against the headboard. I pull the blanket around me, suddenly very self conscious.  
“Donna, you- you’re my best friend. That matters more to me than…”  
“I know, Josh.” And I do. And it hurts but I know he’s right. “We should have rules though.”  
He laughs at me but eventually he agrees. We redress and I grab the hotel notepad and we sit on the bed with a healthy distance between us.  
“Okay. Number one. No sex.” I say. He sighs. I look at him, eyebrows raised. “You started this!”  
“Yeah I know… but it was, ya know…”  
“Well suck it up. You’re not seeing me naked again.” I stick my tongue out at him. He pouts a little then we both start laughing. This should be worse. This should feel awkward but it doesn’t. It feels like us and that’s enough for me.  
“Number two. We get a veto.” He says. I look at him like he’s crazy. I don’t know what this means. “Okay. Can we be honest? Because I heard you and CJ joking about needing to get laid and I inexplicably felt jealous. And I think we should get to veto one person. Besides you’re possessive.” He winks at me. I roll my eyes. He’s not totally wrong.  
“Fine. My veto is Mandy.” I throw at him. He bites his lip. Which is hot. But not the point.  
“Oh god.” He groans. Josh is a good guy and he technically did probably cheat on her with me. I cannot bring myself to care to be frank. She treats him like shit and their relationship is based solely on sex. I’m not entirely convinced that she’s exclusive with him. “Yeah, deal on that one.”  
“You have your veto yet?” I ask, curious as to who he’d be jealous about.  
“Hmm.. The Governor?” He smirks, proud of his little joke. I smack him. He grabs my wrist and then holds my hand. “Kidding. Though he clearly is sweet on you.” He winks.  
“Who wouldn’t be?” I throw back.  
“True. Fine… Sam?” He asks, looking a little scared of my response. I laugh outright.  
“Oh but Josh! He’s so handsome!” I gush in a voice that is definitely not my own. “How will I ever manage to resist?”  
“Alright, alright. Fine. I don’t know who my veto is yet but I reserve the right.” I pat his face condescendingly.  
“Of course you do.” I say in a baby voice. He glares at me and then grabs the hand by his face and pulls me in to kiss me. It’s leaves my short of breath.  
“Okay. Number three. Can’t do that.” I say, still panting a little. He looks way too proud of himself. So I sort of attack him. We’re making out and his hands are at my hips, holding tight as I pull away. “Or that.”  
“I don’t like that one.”  
“Deal with it.”  
“Kay.”  
“Number four…”  
“We keep it between the two of us.” He offers.  
“Yeah.” I write it down. “I have a number five but I’m not sure if you’re going to like it.” I wring my hands a little.  
“Okay…” He says suspiciously.  
“We don’t talk about it after this. We don’t address the feelings. We don’t make jokes about it. We-”  
“What? Just act like nothing happened?” He looks annoyed.  
“Josh. Don’t get pissy with me. We both said we don’t want it to come in the way of our friendship. I think talking about it would make it harder on the both of us.” I say resolutely.  
“Fine. But I have a number six then.” Josh says shortly.  
“Okay?”  
“We can invoke Number Six when we feel like the not talking is hurting the friendship.”  
“That doesn’t negate number five?”  
“We’ll only use it with the utmost seriousness.” He assures me. I nod.  
I sign it first then he goes to. He pauses before he does and kisses me long and hard. His eyes are sad when he pulls away. Mine are too probably. He signs it. We return to the war room and people are sloshed. We missed the Governor’s speech. We only got a few questions about where we were. Josh tossed the questions aside with a practiced politician’s ease. After a while, I even could have believed we had been settling a bet on the balcony. Everything about the sex had seemed so surreal. This friendship, my partnership with Josh, though that was real.

 

Josh  
November 14th, 1998

We won. And my mind won’t focus on that right now.  
I hate those stupid rules. Why did I think they were a good idea? Why did I agree to not kissing Donna Moss ever again? Since then we’ve had a lot of Near Kisses. One of us always finds their head before the other can make the final move. It’s usually Donna.  
I don’t have normal sex dreams anymore. It’s not hot or wild sex with sexy strangers or whatever. Now it’s just Donna, looking up at me as I feel her pressed against my skin. It’s the sound of her soft moans as she comes down from an orgasm. It’s the look of her laughing as we fall onto the bed. It’s a little like torture and a little like heaven.  
And that’s all I can think about as I sit at the bar with Sam and Toby. It’s late and most people have retired to their rooms. Donna left a little bit ago. She’s so beautiful. It’s not really fair. Okay, maybe I’m a little drunk. I bid my farewell to our speechwriters and hit the button on the elevator. For her floor, not mine.  
“Donna!” I exclaim when she opens the door. I walk in and pick her up. I spin her. She laughs. “Can you believe we won!?”  
“Joshua, I think you’re drunk.” I put her down but leave my arms around her. I look down and lose all brain function. She’s wearing a red little strappy thing that is meant for you know, not sleeping.  
“Donna? What are you wearing?” I ask, taking a step back. I am utterly unable to look up from her legs.  
“Earth to Josh.” Okay, so she may have said something else before that but my monkey brain did not process it. I look up at her face now. She looks equally amused and annoyed. And gorgeous.  
“Donna, why are you wearing that?” I ask.  
“If you had been listening-”  
“How am I supposed to do that when uhuhuh?” I gesture at her body. She crosses her arms, looking irked. Whoops. “Shutting up now.”  
“Good boy. Now stop looking at my breasts and look at me. We’ve been on the road a lot and this is one of my last clean pajamas hence I’m wearing it.”  
“Okay, good. Because if you were about to get laid… I’ll just wait here. Seriously. I don’t think it’s a good idea for strange men to see you in that.” I sound sloshed but really, Donna standing there in lingerie has caused my synapses to come to a ceasefire.  
“You aren’t a strange man?” She challenges.  
“I don’t think so.” I grin at her. “Hey, Donna?”  
“Yes, Joshua.”  
“ I think the rules are dumb.”  
“I know you do right now.”  
“No. Not right now.” I step closer to her. “Constantly. It is a distraction. I can’t stop thinking about those stupid rules. Every time you pull away from me, I curse those rules into oblivion.” I take another step so we’re toe to toe.  
“Josh, we can’t.” But she doesn’t step back. So I put one hand behind her head and very slowly, giving her lots of time to say no, go in for the kiss.  
“Josh, no. You’re drunk. We can’t.” She tries to reason between kisses.  
“Donna, you’re not taking advantage of me. I want this. I want you. We just won the presidency and the only thing I can think about is you under me.” I whisper into her ear. She shivers. I take that as a good sign and nibble on her ear.  
“You are drunk though. You might regret-”  
“Donna, I won’t.”  
“We’ll put the rules back in place tomorrow?” She offers.  
“Sure.”  
“Because if we’re going to The White House…” I pull back and look at her.  
“Donna, not an if. We are. But tonight I don’t wanna think about that. I want you.” She attacks me with kisses this time.  
Our first time was sweet and awkward and giddy. This time it is steamy and loving and long- we don’t even completely undress, there’s no time! When we’re done, I fall asleep with my head on her chest, her playing with my hair. It’s a victory in many ways tonight.


	4. Josh Cares

December 31st, 1998  
Donna

Okay. Soooooooo. I’m a little drunk.  
It’s New Years! We’re all allowed to get drunk. In fact, it may be a law. Or in the Bill of Rights. Thou Shalt Drink More Than One Ought To In Celebration of The New Year! Or is that the commandments? Who cares! This is a great chardonnay.   
I’ve managed to convince myself that I’m not actually in love with Josh. That we just have a lot of seuxal chemistry and care about each other a lot. Just friends who are very attracted to each other.  
Hence why I’ve tried to kiss several other men at this party. Well, tried is a weird word for kissing. I have kissed three men at this party. What can I say? It’s been a stressful time! Transitioning to the White House is exhausting and Josh is aggravated most of the time. And I had a terrible time in Wisconsin during the holidays. I missed Josh. My brother announced that he and his wife are having a baby. Which made me sad and I felt guilty for feeling sad. My mother was very worried about me in D.C. and my extended family are republicans and obviously that was frustrating. Josh was horrified when I told him. Which made me feel a bit better.  
Anyways! Back to the kissing! I kissed Ed! Who looked shocked and waved Josh over. Josh rolled his eyes and steered me back to our group. At some point I kissed Sam who was also very drunk. Toby stopped that one. Josh looked angry. I teased him about his frowny face. He rolled his eyes at me again. He should stop that. I snuck away then.  
I don’t know who the third guy was but he was into me! We were making out a little before I felt hands on my shoulders pulling me away. I thought it would be Josh but it was CJ who led me back over to the group and told Josh to take me home. I may have tried to kiss CJ as well on our way over to the table.  
On the way back to my apartment I dry heaved on the sidewalk.  
I hadn’t even made it to midnight. I was sure Josh would tease me about that come morning.  
“Joooosh.” I whined as he held me up as we walked. “Kiss me.”  
“I think you’ve done enough kissing.”  
“Only because I can’t kiss you.” I like the little pause in his step. I giggle because I like that I can do that to him.  
“Do I wanna ask what’s funny?”  
“You wanna kiss me.”  
“Nah.”  
“You wanna kisssss me.” I say in a sing songy voice.  
“Oh, god.”  
“You really really really wanna kiiiiiissss me.”I try to say this in the rhythm of Wannabe by the Spice Girls but my drunken state interferes with my delivery.  
“You’d probably vomit on me.”  
“Yeah but I might do that even if we don’t kiss.”  
“You’re twisted.” He tells me, giving me an idea. I turn to whisper in his ear.  
“I am quite flexible.” He makes a low noise in his throat. It’s very sexy. Then I tripped a little. His expression grew serious.  
“Donna…” He rubs his hand over his face. “The rules, remember.” NO JOSH! I AM DRUNK AND HAPPY- NO TIME FOR RULES. But I don’t have the energy to tell him this. I’m feeling a little sleepy.  
“I’m tired.” I announce.  
“Well you have to make it to your hotel and then you can go to bed.” Josh squeezes my side to reassure me.   
“It’s toooo faaaarrr.” I complain and stop walking. I nearly fall over as Josh doesn’t realize I’ve stopped moving for a step or two.  
“My place is closer. I’ll sleep on the couch.” He says a little hesitantly.  
“No! You, bed.” I tell him, pointing my finger into his chest.  
“Donna…” He groans.  
“I’ll stay on the couch.” I tell him, fully intending to sneak into his bed once he goes to sleep.  
“We’ll… see when we get there. C’mon, let’s go.”

 

We’re in his apartment now. I tried to do a singing in the rain esque swing around a lamp post twice but Josh managed to stop me both times. I also kissed his cheek a few times. I was feeling giddy, a little dizzy, and very sleepy. Maybe that’s why when Josh tucked me in his bed, I didn’t complain or remember our earlier conversation.  
“Josh.” I’m tucked in bed, cuddling into his pillows. He’s in his closet looking for something to sleep in. He comes out still in his dress pants and dress shirt but it’s untucked and halfway unbuttoned.  
“You okay?” Josh looks tired. I should let him sleep.  
“Stay with me?” I ask, using my best puppy dog eyes. I think it worked as he walks over and bends over to kiss my forehead, making all the butterflies explode inside me.  
“Good night, Donnatella.”  
“Night, Joshua.” I slur and give up. I’ll wait him out and join him on the couch soon enough.  
I’ve passed out about two minutes later.

 

January 1st, 1998  
Josh

I return to my closet to finish changing into my sweatpants. I grab a water for Donna and put it on the table next to her with some aspirin. She’s asleep. Her mouth is open and her falling curls are spread across her face. She’s beautiful.  
I look up from her and see that it’s just hit midnight. I press my lips against hers ever so slightly.  
“Happy New Year, Donna.” I whisper as softly as possible. She just turns over in response.

 

I wake up a few hours later, hearing a crash.  
“Donna?”  
“Shit, fuck!” I hear Donna curse from down the hall. I find her on the floor outside the bedroom.  
“Are you alright?!” I maybe panicked a little. She stands up, wincing.  
“Bathroom. Tripped. Dark.” She mumbles with her eyes closed. She doesn’t seem hurt but she does seem a little intoxicated still. And she teases me for my sensitive system. Her facial expression changes and she bolts away from me into the bathroom. She barely makes it over the toilet before throwing up. I come up behind her and hold her as she looked quite unsteady. Once I think she’s more balanced, I pull her hair up and out of her face.  
At some point we end up sitting on the floor, her kneeling, me leaning against the cabinets, still holding her hair.  
“Ugggghhh.” Donna groans.  
“You good?” I ask.  
“Yeah… I appreciate you not laughing at me… yet.”  
“No problem.” I smile at her. She looks miserable.  
“Thanks for all this. You didn’t have to.”  
“Yes. Yes, I did. You would have ended up passing out on some republican gomer mid making out with him.”  
“He was a republican?”  
“Yup.”  
“How do you know?”  
“Because I didn’t like him?”  
“You don’t like him because you know he’s a republican? Or do you not like him because his lips were attached to mine and he was a little handsy?” Her voice is teasing. Seems like she’s sobered up a little more so I don’t feel bad for being annoyed with her.  
“He was a little handsy or you were?” I throw back. She looks amused.  
“Maybe both.” She shrugs. I roll my eyes. “Sam’s a good kisser.” She goes further to antagonize me. I glare at her.  
“This is the thanks I get?”  
“Yup. Deal with it.” She’s smiling. I stand up exasperated. She wiggles her fingers at me as she reaches towards me. I pull her up gently despite my irritation with her.   
“Come sleep on your own bed.” She says as she stands close to me. Her breath smells bad but I still find her warmth intoxicating. So I nod.  
When I lay down next to her, I feel something under my back that I didn’t notice when I moved the covers. It’s a dark blue lacy bra. My heart pounds for a minute. I turn to Donna with it waving on my finger.   
“Donnatella? Making yourself comfortable here?” She snatches it out of my hand and glares at me.  
“It is very uncomfortable. Would you like me to be in pain, Joshua?” She throws back at me. I grin still.  
“I didn’t say that. I’m just saying usually I sleep with a woman when she leaves her underwear around my bedroom.” I’m approaching dangerous territory but it’s fun to tease Donna and she deserves it.  
“That happen often for you?” She sounds like she doubts me and my seduction abilities. I pinch her side. “Ahk!” I smirk. “Just go to sleep.” She turns away from me. I laugh and close my eyes.   
“Donna?” I say when I realize something.  
“Yes, Josh?” She doesn’t turn over but she sounds more amused than annoyed.  
“If your dress isn’t comfortable, you can borrow something.” I suggest awkwardly. She turns over to me.  
“You’re sweet. You should hide that better.” I roll my eyes and get up to get her something. I stare at my clothes for a minute, trying to decide on what I could give her. Most of my pajama pants would fall off her in a second anyways. It’d be weird to give her a pair of my boxers I think. I decide on the biggest shirt I own. It’s a Yale one that an aunt gave me that was too big to fit me.  
“Here.” I toss the shirt at her. Before I can get in the bed, she starts moving around and before I know it, her shoulder are bare and she’s pulling the dress out from under the covers. “Donna!”  
“What? Oh, come on. Josh, you’ve seen me naked. Besides. Everything is covered. I’m tired. I don’t wanna get out of bed just to change.”  
“You-you- you’re naked in my bed!” My voice goes up a couple octaves.  
“Calm down.” She rolls her eyes but I can’t say I’m only looking at her face. Even though I can’t actually see anything. I do have a good memory though and that’s more than enough. She’s pulled the shirt on now but it’s too late. “Someone a little excited there, Tigger?”   
“Shut up.” I fall face-first on the bed. “Ah!” I turn to look at Donna but she’s turned around, acting as if she didn’t just pinch my butt. Her giggle gives her away. “You’re an evil woman.” I tell her. We both turn towards each other. I gulp. We’ve made it a month and half without sleeping with each other again. There were affectionate touches and teasing remarks. One time we made out after a particularly stressful and long night. We kept our heads though. We should probably do that now too.  
Her foot rubs against my calf.  
I close my eyes, in just a bit of agony.  
“Josh.” She says seductively.  
“Donna, you’re killing me.”  
“Joshua.” I know if I open my eyes, I’m a goner. So I don’t know before it happens when Donna kisses me. I freeze.  
“Donna. You were drunk out of your mind a few hours ago. I can’t sleep with you.” Torture, I tell you. She hasn’t stopped moving her foot and now she’s even closer. Wearing my shirt. And no pants.  
“If you’re worried about taking advantage of me… Then I can lead.” She kisses me again. “Josh, it’s alright.” She strokes my chest.  
“Weren’t you vomiting like fifteen minutes ago?” I say, detaching myself from her lips. She pulls away and flops on her back.  
“Hmph.”  
“Don’t pout.”  
“I’m not pouting.”  
“You are. You’re pouting because I won’t sleep with you.”  
“Whatever.”  
“Donna…” She doesn’t pay any attention to me, looking irritated. “Donna.” She ignores me again. I scoot close to her and put my arm over her waist over the covers. “Trust me the offer is tempting. Like tortuously… If tomorrow in the morning you still want to…” I kiss her shoulder. “Good night.” I don’t move my arm from her waist though. I can’t convince myself that that’s a good idea.  
“Good night Josh.” Donna sighs and closes her eyes.

 

January 1st, 1998  
Donna

I wake up to the light streaming in through the windows. It takes me a minute to remember why I’m in Josh’s apartment but the beginning of a headache helps me remember. Oh my god. I propositioned Josh. Repeatedly. At one point while basically sober. Oh god.  
I consider how I’m going to get out of this without total embarrassment. Josh is going to be so cocky. Which is a bad word to use when he’s so close to me. My head hurts too much to be having these fantasies. I do remember what Josh said earlier, about if I was still wanting to in the morning. I can’t decide if I do which is probably reason in itself to not betray the rules.  
Josh sits up at my groan and rubs his face before turning to look at me. I must look pretty pathetic because he smiles and I see the mischief in his eyes.  
“Soooo not feeling up to anything?” He’s smirking. I glare at him even though it hurts. “No? Don’t wanna ‘lead’?” I hate him. I pull his pillow from his side and smack him with it. In my current state, it’s a pretty weak hit. “So I take it you remember last night.”  
“You should know that I hate you.”  
“Eh. I doubt that.” He takes the pillow from me and leans his elbows on it, laying on his stomach while looking up at me.  
“Good thing you’re not that smart so I don’t have to take your doubts into consideration.”  
“Oh? I’m not? Wanna look down at that shirt you’re wearing?” I didn’t look at it before so I do. Dammit. Yale. As if I could have forgotten with him boasting about going to Harvard and Yale all the time.  
“Yeah? Well, I have it on good authority you missed the Dean’s List two semesters in a row.” I smirk now. His mother had supplied me with this golden little nugget accidentally. Well, maybe not so accidentally. She probably knew her son could use being taken down a few pegs every once in a while. I should probably slip this info to CJ as well. Sisterhood and all.  
“You’re mean.” He tells me. I think a lesser man would have brought up my lack of education but Josh doesn’t. He’s a good guy even when he tries his best to be an asshole.  
“Yeah, you could say that.” I shrug and get out of bed. It hurts my head but being in bed with Josh is a little too much. I can feel his gaze on my legs. The shirt covers what it needs to but it’s more skin than he’s used to seeing. “Thinking about being led, Joshua?” It’s my turn to smirk.  
“If only you’d had the foresight to bring your equipment with you to the party.” He’s not deterred by my teasing and his gaze slowly makes its way back up to my face.  
“Whatever.” I’m hungover. Don’t ask me to be witty.  
“Do you want coffee?” He asks, changing subject. But the thought of the smell of coffee makes my stomach turn. Apparently, it was evident on my face. “Ah-kay, apparently not.”  
“Coffee bad. Carbs good.” I say before leaving his bedroom to go to the kitchen. I can hear him rustling around to follow me. I scavenge through his cabinets for a minute or so before turning to him.  
“You have no food.” I accuse him. He shrugs at me.   
“I’m mostly at the transition office these days and most of the time you’re there to force feed me sooo…”   
“You’re a child!” I complain, finding some cocoa puffs. My complaint doesn’t stop me from reaching my hand in and shoving some into my mouth.  
“Bowl bad, cereal good?” He’s smirking.  
“I hate you.” I mutter.  
“Nah.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Nah.” He’s grinning like he has something up his sleeve.  
“Yes.”  
“Do you want your present or not?”  
“What?” I look at him funny and ignore the excitement rising in me. He sees through my casual exterior.  
“I was going to wait but since you’re here…” He shrugs.  
“What is it!?” I can not hide my exuberance about this. I like presents, okay? He laughs. I like that noise an awful lot.  
“Go look in my closet.” He winks at me which gives me pause because wow! I didn’t think someone was capable of winking without looking like chauvinistic cow or campy as hell. He looks charming when he does it.  
In his closet, there is a dress bag that I don’t recognize. I look over at him. He’s leaning against the doorframe, looking more nervous than he was in the kitchen. I gesture at the bag and he nods. There’s an awkward moment of apprehension before I unzip the bag and-  
“Josh.” I whisper. I’m overcome with emotion and just stare at it.  
It’s a dress. It’s a light pink and a sweetheart neckline with thin straps. It’s beautiful.  
“CJ told me I was being stupid, pressuring you to come to the Inauguration Balls. That you didn’t have a dress so I, uh, got you one.” Josh looks pretty damn uncomfortable. I adore him. Best friends can adore their best friends and also want to jump their bones and also buy a dress for the other. It’s fine. It is fine.  
I pull Josh into my arms and close my eyes as his arms wrap around me.  
“Thank you, Joshua.” I’m choking up a little and don’t say anymore.  
“You’re welcome, Donnatella. And don’t you dare cry.” He pinches my side. But we don’t let go. We don’t let go for a little while.


	5. Josh Drinks Coffee

January 31st, 1999  
Donna  
References: Debate Camp flashback

I notice Josh is doing his whole rockstar walk thing as he leaves Leo’s office. I make a comment about WW160 and the tone of his response is… worrying.  
“Yeah, hey. How ya doin?” Why do I feel like this isn’t going to end well for me?  
“What?” Just keep smiling. Don’t let him throw you off.  
“Guess what I have here? It’s a copy of 21 magazine. It’s for Generation Now.” I can hear him mocking my youth. I ask if my interview is in there. Being interviewed was a very big deal for me! I’m excited.  
“Uh huh.”  
“What?”  
“In sleek Celia Yang slacks and a DKNY button down, she’s not afraid to bring a note of let’s do drinks to the office.” Okay, that’s not so bad. Why is Josh doing his I’m loving this routine?  
“That’s totally untrue but I like the sound of it.” I may be flirting a bit.  
“But much as we love her style, we worry about her experience and Bambi-esque naivete.” Well, I don’t love it but Josh told me to be prepared about those questions when we moved The White House. “There’s so much to learn says Moss I didn’t even know there was a nuclear missile silo under the White House.”  
And because I’m still surprised that Josh didn’t tell me this kind of thing, I add, “I didn’t.”  
“There’s noooot!” Excuse me.  
“There is!”   
“There’s n- who told you that?” Josh is reaching the danger zone of the thing where his voice squeaks.   
“Jeff! When I met him for lunch.” There. You don’t know everything, Lyman. He blinks at me. Josh takes a deep breath that I’m sure does diddly squat in actually calming him down but he’s trying.  
He goes on to school me about how they tricked me. Maybe republicans are evil. I feel like an idiot. He is talking down to me but I can see the funny in it enough that I’m not too down about it. Also if it was that big of a deal, he wouldn’t have been so satisfied when bringing it up. He’s going on and on about playing the lead in some eighth grade play and how he was just so resilient and awe-inspiring and he’s Mister Calm, Cool, and Collected.  
I make a retort about the iodine tablets and duck under his arm to avoid further Josh-isms. The man is infuriating. I’ll have to see what we can do about that smugness. I send him off even though I know perfectly well where his desk is. Abner has another thing coming.

 

February 2nd, 1999  
Josh  
References: Debate Camp flashback  
I’m still freaked out about this thing with Donna. I might have a JD but I’m man enough in this case to admit I can’t protect Donna. She might need to talk to a real lawyer. I didn’t want to scare her but dammit! I meant what I said I’d vouch for Donna with this job and with my life. Perhaps stupidly so but she’s Donna.  
Her face when I told her she had to go home just about killed me. I gave her empty promises about fixing it but I don’t know the first thing about the NSA and their ilk. She was so disappointed to leave. Damn. I’m lucky to have her. Well, not have her. But to have her working with me, to have her as a friend and assistant.  
I’m describing everything to Sam when a couple red flags pop up.  
Oh my god.  
She got me.  
I have a bad feeling about this as I step into the bullpen.  
There she is, all toothy smile and what not.  
Dammit! She introduces me to her friend, Michael, and is looking very satisfied with herself. All’s fair in love and political pranks. I shake the guys hand and try not to think about how much Donna’s attitude turns me on.  
“But on your good days, I’m calling you Abner because you stepped into the White House and didn’t flinch.”   
Why was that so sexy?  
I think I may demand she call me Abner the next big win I get.  
And it better be damn near soon.

 

March 19th, 1999  
Donna

Josh just had a big win on a bill that dealt with foster care yet he doesn’t seem to be gloating at all. This worries me for obvious reasons. Where’s the weird victory dances? Where’s the obnoxious bellowing? He’s essentially sulking in his office right now and I have no clue what his deal is.  
“Josh Lyman’s office.” I answer the phone while looking at Josh’s closed door.  
“Hi, Donna. Does Josh have a few minutes in an hour?” Uh oh. That’s Congressman West’s assistant. Congressman West is the guy Josh had worked with on this. Or at least one of them, a crucial one from what I’ve gleaned.   
“He might, Jen. Can you tell me what this is about?” I ask quietly, flipping open his schedule.  
“HR 778. I’m only telling you this so you can soften the blow with Josh. Prepare him a little.” Jen tells me what I was fearing.  
“Come on, Jen. You’re going to have to give me more than that.” I respond, already pulling the folder I had thought I’d laid to rest. It was looking to be another all nighter.  
“Is that West’s office?” I nearly jump out of my seat when I hear Josh directly behind me.  
“One second, Jen.” I cover the bottom of the phone and address Josh. “It’s his assistant. And since when do you sneak up on me?” I try redirect his attention but his gaze is quite no-Donna-nonsense.  
“Tell me it’s not what I think it is.” He groans. I give him a sympathetic smile and nod reluctantly. “I’m gonna kill someone.” He mumbles as he walks off towards Toby’s office.  
I spend the next fifteen minutes interrogating Jen Fisher about what she knows. See, this is what senior staff doesn’t realize. Us assistants and our gossip? Much more useful than normal water cooler talk. Once I find out as much as I can, I start setting up shop in Josh’s office.  
“Donna?” Leo’s voice pulls me from organizational reverie.  
“Oh! Hi, Leo.”  
“Where’s Josh? We got a problem with HR 778.”  
“Oh, he knows. Congressman West’s office called like thirty minutes-”  
“West!? Damn. I got a call from Ustler.” Leo growls out. Josh is going to be furious.  
“Donna, I need you to pull the polling data from Macon County- oh, Leo, hey.” Speak of the devil.  
“Hey, Donna just told me about West. I was coming to tell you about Ustler.”  
“What!? Him too!? We just- shit!” Josh slaps the door frame and slides into the office, picking up the Macon County stats he was going to ask me for that I had already laid out.  
“Yup. I’ve got a thing with Barryhill and Cashman but I can send over Margaret if you guys want the extra hands.” Leo offers, knowing we have a long night ahead of us.  
“We’ve got it, thanks.” I don’t know if I’m annoyed that Josh turned down help. On one hand, we could use it and maybe I could get an hour of sleep before needing to be back here tomorrow. On the other hand, I do prefer working alone with Josh. He’s tense enough that I don’t think anything will happen between us. Nothing has for a while. I mean, aside from occasional touches that last a minute or two longer than they should and the near constant flirting. We haven’t broken any rules since January. I try to ignore the voice in my head telling me I miss breaking those insipid rules.   
“Hey, Leo.” Josh calls out as Leo makes to leave. I’m only pulled from my musings because the tone of melancholy in Josh’s voice. Leo looks back at him with unreadable expression. “It feels like we’ve been losing every battle we put up a fight for lately.” It’s not a question or an accusation. Leo shrugs and makes his exit.  
This is a common feeling among the senior staff. The first 100 days were good. A few blunders but no big losses. We made concessions on an education bill but it was declared a win for us in the press. Toby wasn’t happy but everyone else had been relieved. Then we must have been resting on our laurels because the wheels came off the wagon somewhere and lately, nothing seems to be getting done without big chunks ripped out of whatever it is.  
At some point during the night, Josh and I moved to the Roosevelt room and accepted Sam, Kathy, and Margaret’s help. But it was past two a.m. when Leo came back, received the progress report and told us to pack up. There was nothing more we could do. The bill wouldn’t leave committee.  
Josh drove me home since he didn’t want to riding the subway this late. He was uncharacteristically quiet.  
“Josh?” I tempt fate by bringing Josh out of his head for a moment.  
“Yeah?” His voice sounds a little raw.  
“You knew this was going to happen?” I ask the question that had been burning a whole into my head.  
“No.” He snaps at me. Then looks over apologetically. “Sorry. I just… I had my suspicions, yeah.”  
“How?” I inquire.  
I don’t know if it helps him at all but by the time we’ve pulled up to my apartment, he’s completed his half-rant, half-explanation. There’s a part of me that wonders at his intelligence and ability to still teach me when he’s this upset. There’s a part of me hating to see him like this.  
“Sorry. We’re here. I- thanks, Donna.”  
“It’s my job.” I smile at him but he doesn’t look back up at me. He reaches for my hand and we sit quietly for a minute, waiting for one of us to pull away.  
“You’re very good. You worked really hard, you’ve been working really hard, and I wish we had something to show for all of…” His voice trails off and my hearts breaks at the lack electricity in his voice.  
“Josh…” I squeeze his hand. He finally meets my eyes. “Why don’t you come up?” I basically proposition him. But he’s so melancholy and un-Josh that I had to do something!  
“Donna.” He says in a tone that is not fueled by desire but reproach. I try to pull my hand away in embarrassment, not wanting to face his rejection. He doesn’t let go. “It’s just with everything so bad right now… we can’t afford… I’m sorry.” He does sound apologetic. But he doesn’t even sound tempted and how is my ego supposed to fare with that? He does pull my hand to his mouth and kiss it. I keep my eyes on my lap.  
“Good night, Joshua.” I pick my purse up and open the door. “Josh? You do plenty of good for him.” I assure him in spite of my bruised ego. I give him a small smile and climb out of his car. I unlock the door and turn back to see him waiting, watching, making sure I get in safe. I give him a small wave and try to convince myself that this is all I need from Josh.

 

April 9th, 1999  
Josh

I’m in the office earlier than most people today. Like everyday that I don’t spend the night at my desk. We’ve been sucked into a political hailstorm these past few months and I have no idea how to crawl our way out of it but I do feel responsible. I’ve got to find a way out of this complete mess of a first year we’re having so far. It’s looking pretty damn abysmal which explains why I’m already on a second cup of coffee.  
However, as I look on the calendar, my near permanent frown begins to lift. Ah, finally some entertainment around here!  
Donna won’t be in for a few hours so I throw myself into reading some briefs on some national security stuff that mostly goes over my head.  
“JOSHUA!”  
I grin.  
That’s the sound of my dearest assistant discovering her lovely anniversary present. I stroll out of my office to find her glaring at the, if I do say so myself, rather stunning bouquet of flowers.  
“Is something the matter, Donnatella?”  
“Josh. Why are these addressed to me?” She sounds suspicious.  
“It’s our anniversary. I’m surprised you forgot. That’s okay. You can pay me back by buying our lunch.”  
“I buy your lunch every day.”  
“With my credit card.”  
“Whatever. It’s not our anniversary.”  
“Yes, it is.”  
“No, Josh. It’s not.”  
“I’m not the type to get this wrong, Donnatella.”  
“Are you really so childish you cannot let go of the brief window of time that I was away?”  
“Away? Nooooo. You left. For Doctor FreeRide! And so, this day will live in infamy, Donna!”  
“You’re awfully proud of yourself, there.” She’s pissed. But I am having more fun than I have in a while.  
“Woah, Donna. Who got you those babies?” Sam remarks as he passes by.  
“Yeah, Donna, who got you those?”  
“A man-boy who has never read a calendar.” She snaps at Sam who looks at me questioningly. I shrug. I’m sure my shrug convinces him I had no part.  
“Ah, well. They’re almost as beautiful as you are.” Sam responds. I glare at him for a minute as Donna smiles.  
“Thank you, Samuel. You’re quite sweet.”  
“No problem, Donna. I’ll see ya, Josh.” Sam, the traitor, waltzes away.  
“Why are you flirting with Sam?” I question Donna. Her eyes sparkle with mischief as she steps way too close to me.  
“Jealous, Lyman?” She whispers.  
“Not at all, Moss.” I whisper in response. Thank god the telephone rings because I swear I could have taken her right there in the bullpen.  
“Josh Lyman’s office. How can I help you?” She returns to her desk.  
And like that it’s back to a normal day at the office. With just a pinch more banter and quite a few more glares from Donna than usual.

 

July 4th, 1999  
Donna

The President gave a great speech tonight. Well, at least he did in the residence to the staff. It was absolutely inspired and inspiring. We were all smiling, a glimmer of hope shining through our pessimism after the past half year.  
However, about an hour later, the President made a speech to the public and… well let’s just say Toby is getting wasted. The President had been doing fantastically until he had about two more paragraphs of the speech. And then he improvised. Adding twenty five minutes of historical anecdotes that had Sam nearly fainting and Toby in need of a room of bubble wrap.  
Toby and I have grown closer this past year than we did on the campaign. Getting through the Great Wall of Toby’s Trust and the all the hurdles he puts up along the way is a personal achievement of mine.  
I suppose this is why I’ve sought him out tonight. He’s like a hot air balloon about to explode. He mentioned something about him and Andy last week and again tonight. I think something is really going on with the two of them. It makes me sad because I genuinely adore Congresswoman Wyatt. But no matter my sisterhood-ly feelings, my friend is in a lot of pain.  
Two hours later, we’re sitting on his couch, lamenting failed relationships and discussing the merits of good pie crust when Tobus (I’ve been calling him that since our third glass of scotch) does the unexpected- he broaches the topic of Josh and I.  
“You’re telling me *hiccup* that you propositioned Josh and he said no?” Okay, I may have been the one to broach the topic. Whatever.  
“Yeah.” I sigh, feeling sad.  
“Over a foster care bill?”  
“We do what we can for the kids, Tobus!” I retort because I am a very funny lady. Tobus agrees because he cracks up.  
“What in God’s name is going on in here?” Sam just found us. Tobus and I look at him like guilty teens being caught by a teacher or something.  
“We’re lamenting broken promises of love!” I inform him. I’m glad Toby is too drunk to miss the implication that I love Josh. Because I definitely do not. Nope. No. I mean, sure. As a best friend. Like I love Tobus or Sammy.  
Sammy decides to join us in our drinking. We are all funny first then we get sad. Sam talks a little about his failed engagement with Lisa. At which point, I assure Sam he’s much more attractive than most of the men in D.C. and that his kindness is a deadly tool of seduction. And I talk about the boyfriend I managed to see for a total of four weeks in May/June. He got fed up with too many missed dates and rainchecks. I blame Joshua, of course. And then Toby tells us that he’s getting a divorce.  
Sam and I are quiet. I start crying a little and Tobus and I hug. Sam tells Toby he’s sorry, that he’s here for him. I tell Toby that I’m shunning Andy from the sisterhood. He tells me not to. That it isn’t her fault that he’s unlovable. Sam and I do our best to assure him that this is patently untrue.  
It’s past three am when Sam and I pile into a cab. Toby elected to sleep in his office. Sam makes sure I get home safe, not unlike Josh. I lay in bed and wonder what Josh was doing tonight. And if he thought about me. But it’s fine to wonder about your boss best friend who has seen you naked like this. Nothing to see here.

 

November 14th, 1999  
Donna  
References: Pilot

Josh and I had sex a year ago today.  
President Bartlet won a year ago today.  
Today Josh and I got in a fight.  
I don’t even know what is was about! He made some snippy comment about my handwriting and I told him to learn how to use his email. A few replies later and I may have called him a dinosaur. We yelled at each other until CJ came in and admonished Josh and gave me a look.  
Now I’m just at my desk feeling sad. But I have a job to do. A job I love despite of my ass of a boss.  
“Josh Lyman’s office.”  
“Hi. This is Carrie from Capitol Beat. CJ told me to contact you.” I spend the next few minutes on the phone with Carrie the producer. She tells me that Mary Marsh will be on with Josh next week and I roll my eyes. Great. Josh is going to love this. I decide to tell Toby first.  
“Jesus.” Is Toby’s brilliant response.  
“I know.”  
“He’s gonna try to make her look stupid!”  
“Try?”  
“And succeed in not only that! But in confirming that the Bartlet White House is arrogant and smug!” Toby laments.  
“We are arrogant and smug.”  
“Donna.” Toby growls at me. I smile at him because I’m adorable.  
“Get Josh ready? Got it.”  
“I’ll be by later to give him a lecture.  
Josh and I have a slightly clipped conversation and I tell him not to wear that one stupid tie of his and he makes fun of me. I tell him that it bleeds. I’m pretty sure he’s going to wear it anyways.

 

November 20th, 1999  
Josh  
References: Pilot

Donna brought me coffee.  
She’s scared about her job, I tell myself.  
But there’s a voice that sounds half my mother, half Donna yelling at me that she cares about me. I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about that lately. But ever since the 778 thing, it stings a little to look at her. I feel like an ass. She’s supportive of me to a fault. Which is all the more reason we cannot be together. I’d destroy her. I can’t risk that happening with Donna.  
And for some reason, this is running through my mind as I look at the picture of Mandy. She does look good. I very briefly ponder the idea of hooking up with her. To take my mind off of Donna. This whole thing is really put a damper on my sex life this past year.  
I’ve had offers. In fact, there was a woman who was pretty and smart and I went on two dates with her and she invited me back to her place and I kissed her good night lightly and left. And proceeded not to call her back. I couldn’t stop thinking about Donna.

 

November 29th, 1999  
Donna  
References: A Proportional Response

Karma is a bitch.  
It’s a cliche but it’s true.  
I may have let CJ in Josh’s office and not told him. What can I say? It’s entertaining to watch him squirm! Plus CJ just got back from being sick. And she is scary when she’s angry.  
However my penance for this? Mandy Hampton showing up and asking to wait in Josh’s office. I had no way of saying no. And then I decided not to tell Josh. Just to see what he would do. I wonder if he’ll even remember that she’s my veto.  
He better.  
Or else the rule about not talking will be broken.  
That night, when I’m cleaning up Josh’s office a little, I see it.  
It’s a picture of Josh and Mandy but Josh’s face is scribbled out in black marker. I snort. That’s an exceptionally middle school level of petty.  
“Snooping?” CJ asks, grinning at me. I roll my eyes but smile so she knows I’m not taking her joking accusation seriously.  
“Look at this. Can you get any more melodramatic?”  
“Well… she does have a certain style. You have to give her that.” CJ laughs.  
“That’s one word for it.” I retort, placing it back on the desk face down. CJ doesn’t comment.  
“Donna… Josh told you, right?”  
“That she’s gonna be working here?” I ask calmly. I had already freaked out over this alone. I had my calm mask perfected now. It was a good thing Josh told me in the bullpen with lots people around. He’s a smart boy.  
“You’re okay with that, right? I’m not… asking any questions. About… you know. But as much as a press secretary I want plausible deniability… I don’t want her to cause problems for you.”  
“CJ, you’re sweet. It’s nothing to worry about.” Except if Josh has selective memory about very important matters like article two, section 7 (i.e. vetoes)

 

December 4th, 1999  
Josh  
References: The Short List

It’s entirely possible Donna Moss may murder me.  
I’ve been a little unbearable. She should be used to it though.  
Ever since I got my groove back when I derailed Lloyd Russell (and by extension, Mandy), I’ve been a little… obnoxious.  
There are times that she thinks no one is looking that I see her smile at my antics. Which I have to say does not bring down my who da man-ness one bit.  
Come on! A supreme court nominee!  
I probably should have thought twice before I told her a bit more than boss-like than my usual tone to stay where she was when we went into the Oval Office. What can I say? I’m riding high baby!  
When we come out of Leo’s office, she’s waiting there. She looks adorable. I wonder if she’ll look that cute when she murders me. I direct us away from the group and lead her downstairs and find an abandoned IT stockroom, filled with keyboards and monitors and wires.  
“Josh? What are we-”  
And I kiss the daylights out of her.  
She really may very well murder me.


End file.
